My Phat Perdure

Disappointed

2011-03-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

Why you may ask? I've put on about 5 lbs :(....
I knew my dress slacks were fitting a bit snuggly. Seems that the weight may be added in the mid-section. I NEED intervention. I went on a internet frenzy looking for recipes for post bariatric patients. I didn't find a lot. I need to cut down in portions, stick to protein & water and I NEED to exercise for real!!!!! Not just running after my kids!! The promise that the weather is on the upswing for better days looks good. If I hadn't just gotten on the scales here at work I wouldn't have known for sure how much I put on...5lbs is 5lbs...
I will overcome this...

Antsy

2011-03-16T14:15:00.001-07:00

Summer. I long for you. My kids long for you. Flip flops, sand, warm summer sun, the smell of coconut sun lotion, the smell of fresh cut grass, the waifting of camp fires & grills, the smell of the lake, the sound of a loon. The green leaves on the trees making cool spots to be lazy in.

I've made up my mind. I am buying a bike. I said I was going to last yr and I didn't. This yr is different. If I wait, then I am putting off the exact thing I need to do, which is to be more active. If I wait til WE can afford it, then I'll never have one. (the old saying like kids eh?)

Went to a second hand clothing shop today & bought a new purse, new shoes & 2 new tops...all for $13.00 WOOT WOOT!!

Anyways, I just dropped in for a few brief moments (seems thats all I ever have to myself lately) to check things out & blog a bit. Sheesh, it would be great if I could get paid to blog..I love to write, I love to read & I could so love that!! Got to go make pork steaks, taters & a veggie for my family of 8..otherwise they'll all be protesting in another hr that "Mom I'm hungry!!"

Hope everyone is doing well! God Bless!!!

Hello I am here, somewhere...

2011-03-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

Cabin fever? Not really. More like I would love it if Jillian Michaels were a friend to help kick me in the pants to become more movitated & help me to be creative in exercising. Do I need that drastic a push? Yeah, I think so because I've gotten off track. My eating habits have gone to the way side, what with gas prices, 6 kids in the house..buying the proper foods has not been high priority. I suffer because of it. I eat a lot of what they eat. There are still foods I cannot eat. My teenage kids look at the portions I put on my plate and say "Geez, wish I could eat only that much & feel full."
I feel like I need someone to help push me, not militant like, but jovial friend "I'll kick you in the pants type." I still see myself as the almost 400lb person I WAS. I often do double takes in the mirror because I can't believe it's me. I still keep that 'safe space' around me that I had when I was heavy, that place where because your larger you keep yourself in. My new job does not offer the benefits of having insurance so I am without the proper avenues to keep up medically. I do my best & I know I need to start going to support group, as I need to connect with others who share in some of the same struggles & achievements. My husband is wonderful & caring & its always a blessing when he tells me how attracted he is too me, or how beautiful I am. I do believe that. But there are things in thought processes he can't understand, a part of who I am, who I used to be, that I struggle with sometimes. That little insecure side of me that still jumps up in my face once in awhile. Who would I be without that girl that I used to be? I am thankful of this journey. Really, I am. It's made me grow within myself & my understanding of others.

Winter- Why Are You Still Here?

2011-03-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

Winter, I am so done with you. Would you please step off my back porch and quite antagonizing? I wish Mother Nature would swoon us like she did the one week recently. I'm ready to put away my winter coat & pull out my spring jacket!

Wanting to be Tigger, but feeling more like Piglet...

2011-02-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

Ok ok so the title may be a little misleading. For this very moment it refers to the fact that I WISH I had as much energy as Tigger appears to always have, but right now I am feeling more like Piglet...little, timid, stuttery & someone who needs big arms to help get to higher places. Although I do have to say Piglet would fit my eating habits lately. No, I don't eat large quantities, but rather things that really shouldn't be fitting into my diet....Piglet.....
I am doing fine. Haven't lost & haven't gained. Can we say PLATEAU?? Alright, so it's been at least 3 months that I haven't lost, well maybe a bit more than that actually...but I haven't exactly been proactive in getting this last 30lbs off. I hate cold weather, so my love of walking outside is not happening right now. I want to join a gym but cannot afford to at this time, so maybe after tax time I can check out a Zumba class or even p90x. I just would really like to tone up.
My internet at home is limited right now to only on my mobile phone. My laptop caught a nasty virus & I am going to have it cleaned & hopefully restored to its former faster self!!
Everyone here is doing fine. Kids being kids & busier than ever!
I changed jobs after 11 yrs and so far love the new chapters that are occuring in my life. My new co-workers are unique & I know I will fit right in! I do miss a few people from my old office, the ones I will always cherish & hopefully stay in contact thru on Facebook, but like my sister said "sometimes it takes a bigger bird to push you out of the nest" wink wink..
Here's a little funny I heard today..."Where do snowmen post their webpages?---On the 'winternet'. :)
Smile!!

Gettin Ready 2 Christmas Shop!

2010-12-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

The hubby & I are getting ready to go Christmas shopping, oh my! This should be interesting, my husband loves to shop & I don't like it much! Imagine that?!??? It's not that I don't find it enjoyable sometimes, but usually I have a list & more of an idea rather than vague descriptions. And I don't like massive crowds or rude people. So I ask today that the Angels protect us :)
And that we have no run ins with rude or inconsiderate people. I know thats asking a lot since its so close to the holiday & every shop & store is so busy this time of year. And to think a yr ago I said I would have all my shopping done by opening day of deer season so that I wouldn't have to go thru this! Hmmm....my a class on how to handle procrastination is in order!! Ha!!
My weight loss is doing ok. No losses & no gains to report. This holiday season has found me cheating a bit & for that I feel guilty. I am taking my vitamins as I should & if I feel like I haven't done so well with protein the dietician recommended I drink a lil bit of milk, so I have been.
Well hubby is waiting as I blog to get out there & shop shop shop!
I will blog soon about our adventures!!
Many blessings!

Time in a Bottle.

2010-10-31T16:17:00.000-07:00

Today is Halloween. Alas I sit here at work as my kids grow older by the minute & I am not with them to share in the frightful festivities of this 'trick or treat' evening. I'm saddened. I'm missing moments & pictures and rustling, crunching of leaves. I'm missing pulling the jacket lapel up over a shoulder to ensure warmth, and hearing the squeals of frightened delight. I'll get out in time to pick them up from Nana & Papa's as their sugar buzzes spin out of control & eventually come crashing in about a half hr after we arrive in the comforts of home.

I'm blessed.

Truly blessed.

But I miss moments. I'm sure you can sympathize.

My weight has teetered stoically the same. I did have another 5lb loss, which I was pleasantly surprised. But I know in my search to lose these last 30 lbs its going to take more than what I have been doing. I'm ready 2 step it up. I'm ready 2 achieve my goal & set new goals in different areas. I've been bad about carbs lately. Grrr....& with the holidays approaching it"s going 2 be tough but I am determined 2 succeed!! And I am also a little more than upset that it can cost so much to remain & maintain a healthy lifestyle. I want my kids to follow a more balanced lifestyle. My 16 yr old said 2 me the other day "Mom I wish I could eat like you." In that he meant as little as I sit & eat at the dinner table with all of them. Yes, my pouch doesn't allow much, but what he doesn't realize is that I eat healthy in several small meals a day, but I MAKE it a point 2 sit down with everyone (this is something my husband & I totally agree on) at dinner, because thats family time. It's when we 'catch up' & 'keep up' on all levels. And I'm glad my parents made it a tradition in my family growing up....dinner was the time for everyone to sit & have a meal & enjoy eachother! As we grew older of course, those days turned into Sundays...everyone makin it back to mom & dads place to 'keep up' & 'catch up'. Writing this makes me miss my mom & dad who both passed 30 days apart of eachother in 2001.

I'm blessed.

Dedicated to mom...my forever best friend.

Dedicated to dad...my poppa who could fix the world.

Hugs~

^J^

Wedded Bliss

2010-10-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

Here we are!! Officially Mr & Mrs Wilson! What a wonderfully eventful day it was!!

End of Summer & picnic plans

2010-09-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

So summer has officially ended here in Michigan I believe. Once the first week in Sept set comfortably in our warmer temps & humidity took a nose dive & its been cooler ever since. We're talking sweatshirts & jackets & no more wearing the cute cut off jean shorts!! Brrrrr....It's time for wooly socks & snuggling under a nice flannel blanket! The leaves are starting to turn color, but the beautiful greens are hangin on. We've had a few days of rain & cold temps. Loved waking up this morning to hear the rain on the roof & the rolling thunder.

My weight loss is at another stand still. I'm thinking it has much to do with the fact that I have been stressed out about all this planning & coming together of events for my wedding that's taking place this coming weekend! What did this girl used to do when she was stressed? I am sure you can all guess right??? EAT! I am not eating like I used to, but I have noticed I have been making not so good decisions about what I am putting into my body for fuel lately. I've re-introduced potatoe chips & dip back in & I am pretty sure I need to rid myself of them, as I am finding out it makes me crave salt terribly!!! That & I've found I am craving milk?? Whats up with that?? I buy 2% milk for the house for cooking, baking & for the kids to drink, but I find myself wanting to drink at least an 8 ounce glass of it thru out the day. I am able to look at myself in the mirror and physically see where I want to lose the weight that my body is having a hard time getting rid of. Of course it happens to be my middle section. I feel good, I feel like I look ok, but I truly would love to lose another 30lbs to get down to my goal weight. If I find I don't like it there then I could deal with putting a few pounds on, but I just want to reach that goal & be able to say "I did it!!"

I met a gentlemen recently, who happens to be my fiance's Uncle. He went thru bariatric surgery (RNY) 3 yrs ago. Had surgery in Grand Rapids, had a few slight complications after (of course he's in his 60's) but lost a total of 130lbs, and looks great. Says he feels great, was the best decision he made. He has put a total of 30lbs back on since he reached his goal weight, but says he would do it all again & wouldn't change a thing.

I am in the midst of trying to finish up writing my wedding vows. Whew. We had decided we were going to do our own vows of sorts, then since the Man & I hadn't discussed it in quite awhile I figured with everything else going on we would just do tradtional vows & told the minister this...but in convo with the Man the other night he informed me he's been working on his the last 2 weeks!! And when was he going to tell me this? So, although I had thought of a few things before I am now trying to get it all out on paper. You would think being a published poet I wouldn't have a problem right?? Ha!!! Let me see, where could I start? I mean there's so much I could say about the man I am about to marry & commit my life to. Whew is right!! But I know it will all come together, as things seemingly are slipping their way into that mode slowly but surely.

I am so thankful for all I have & the many blessings that continue to appear in life.

I will keep you all posted. I will post pictures of the wedding & all that surrounds that special event!!

^j^

Sugiversary

2010-09-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

Here is a pic of me in May of last yr the day I met with the Dr's & nurses at the Sparrow Weight Loss Management Center/ Sparrow Bariatric Specialists. I weighed in at 343lbs on that date. My 1 yr sugiversary was August 26, 2010! I can tell you that it was the best decision I made for my life. I have learned so much about ME and about LIFE and about many other things. I have experienced so many positive things in regards to my weight loss. Ie: the weight loss itself, my self worth & importance, the need to stay healthy & what I need to do to maintain that thought pattern & that lifestyle.
I look at this picture & realize, not fully, how far I have come, because I still see myself as this picture portrays. I am conscious of the 'space' around me, I know I am not this large anymore, but 'inside' I'm still that girl. Is that bad? Well, I do not look at myself 'negatively'. I think I am better than I used to be ;). I am told all the time I look great & that I am beautiful. I do feel beautiful most times, but I have that 'big girl' mentality sometimes. It helps me sometimes as I think I am more sensitive to others in knowing what they may be experiencing & going thru. I can sympathize. I think it also helps that in all of this, I never gave up hope & I do not give up hope in achieving where I'd like to be. I am told I look great where I am at, at this point & I am happier than I have ever been.
It's been a scattered day today, and I feel like my thoughts are being carried away from me. Sorry if this seems to be that way. But I promise I will be back soon & much more organized in thought!
Hope you all have a great Labor Day wkend! Blessings!!

Food on my Mind

2010-08-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

Why is that? Why is it that food is a constant on my mind? Not in a bad way, of course. Mostly good these days. As in: whats gonna be for supper mom? or what are your plans for lunch? Do we have anything good for snacks? What if Bobbys sugar goes, do we have something for the highs & the lows?

Sometimes I am irritated about how much we actually have pay attention to the food in our daily lives. Funny huh? I mean, I love food just like the next person, but sometimes I feel like it hits every area of my life.

Ie: Now that I am almost a year post surgery I see people who eat unhealthy & live an unhealthy lifestyle & I want to reach out & promote or help educate or just tell them, "it could be better, YOU could be better." BUT I can also see it from another viewpoint "Who the hell are you to tell me or try & tell me what I should do or what I should SEE as a better way of life!" Cause you know what? I was there once. I was. And I remember a time when I felt like the only thing that would ever be there for me was FOOD. I think we shall always have a love/hate relationship. This on the heels of putting together my wedding reception dinner menu & CAKE!!

I will be baking the next few days, making cup cakes & trying to perfect the art of the lovely cupcake towers that seem to be very popluar right now with receptions & parties in general. I've got a couple fab recipes I copied from a friend so I'm going to try them out!! Should be fun!

Anyways, keeping this short & sweet ;).

Until next time ...

Blessings!!!! ^j^

Addicted? Or stressed?

2010-07-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

Ok so let me begin this sinful confession by stating, yes I have been naughty and eating Raisinets. I love them. I hate that I love them. I re-introduced them back into my life a few weeks ago & now I find myself eating them once every few days or so. They do make me feel "blah" after I have eaten them & they make me terribly thirsty. But the taste is soo sinful I haven't been able to resist. Hopefully this is a passing phase & all will right itself in my diet world once again.

I do have to say I had hit a plateau where I didn't lose much of any in the last month or so & it seems to have broken the pattern by allowing me to lose 3 lbs in 3 days. WooHoo!! I was beginning to get worried. I have worn skimpier things in the past few weeks due to the humid/hot weather we have experienced. Skimpier than I am used to that is. Not tacky, but not too covered up like I used to before. I went swimming with the kids yesterday at the lake & got out there in my tank top & jean cut offs. WOW. I loved it!! I couldn't believe how much I had missed just the simple task of swimming. Thats what a low self esteem does, thats what weighing 147lbs more does to your ego.

Life has a funny way of throwing you small obstacles, or little reminders that you're not 'in charge' of everything in your life, nor do we truly know anyone really personally. I'm thinking thats where my rasinet addiction is stemming from.

I'm sitting here in my air conditioned office about to freeze my fingers off. It's 80 some degrees outside, think I may have to pop out there for few nminutes just to warm up.

Hope you're all doing well!!!!

We've Set The Date!

2010-07-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

Bobby & I have set the date for our wedding!! Saturday September 25, 2010. Need to work on all the fine details, but will keep you posted!! Whew, 76 days from today!! Lots of planning, lots of DIY ideas on a close to no-budget! Angels help me now!!! I'm soooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!

^J^

2010-07-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

Today. I am tired. I also feel defeated in some ways in my weight loss. Still holding strong to what my last few weigh ins have been like; by no flucuating leaps of gain or lose. But holding steady. Ugh. I neeeeed to do more physically I guess. Thats what I feel will kick it in full gear. That & drinking more water. I've been terrible about it lately, even with the heat wave that has hit us. I've been so tired too. No energy. :(

But had a great 4th holiday. Got some fishing in. Got some R & R.

^j^

2010-07-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

Working overtime today. I guess it's not so bad. I try and out weight the fact that I probably won't be getting offered all these extra hrs when we finally get a full work crew going again. Plus its nice to open that check and find a few extra dollars has made it into my hands. I feel 'good' today. Have this slight sinus thing going of which my fiance' has helped me thru by introducing me to the NeilMed Sinus Rinse. WOW. Yes it does help. I remember Dr Oz recommending it in one of his med conferences.

I feel good in that I have maintained my weight for the past few wks. Haven't lost a lick but am staying steady & I will take that. :) I def know I need to get out and do more physical activity. I want a bike but funds do not allow for that right now. I am going to start meeting up with a good friend of mine whom I know thru my work who also had bariatric surgery a few months ago & we are planning on getting together, if not once but twice on my days off to be walking partners. YAY! I'm so excited! I like it because we can share stories & struggles & swap recipes & talk kids & nutrition & be each others support. SHE , by the way, looks amazing!! I am so proud of her.

I have been on this plateau for about 3 wks now. I know to kick it up I have to switch things up a bit for me. I had introduced a few more carbs back into my life recently & I think I need to cut them back once again & also get on a regular work out schedule. Looking in the mirror I feel great & think I look great BUT we all have our own hang ups, mine would be "Holy Bat Flaps" **laugh** yes I wave Hello & Goodbye at the same time with my upper arms. ;) BUT I can tell you I am in a much better place today about it than I was at my heaviest & I thank GOD for that.

I got to drum circle my last rotation of from work. I sooo needed the great meditation I had & I can't wait til the next go round. I always have some pretty amazing messages come thru or make some sort of connection for others that I get messages for. For instance. I had a deceased mother figure come thru for an ex co-worker of mine. She totally took me by surprise when she popped into my meditation, but she had a specific message for her daughter (ex-coworker) to whom I passed on the message and I love making that 'connection'. I love allowing people to know that once we cross over, its not 'over' for us. I love the sense of ease I see on the peoples faces I pass messages on to. I know what its like because I have been in their shoes many times, and I am always taken aback when I get messages from other gifted people who couldn't be more accurate unless they'd have been my surrogate twin all my life & know whats what in my life. I am also looking forward to 'Connections Circle' this weekend, as I heard that there are more people attending & I am excited to meet more 'like minded' & interesting people.

I have a few projects I am trying to work on, only they have only been in the mentally developed stage for a bit now. Nothing 'truly started' yet. I have worked on my poetry. I have done a few drawings. I WANT to get started on jewelry pieces, but I think thats going to be something in the not-so near future. I am looking forward to the time this Fall when all the kids go back to school, and even though I will be sad at first because my 3 yr old will be starting headstart and going half days, I know I will be able to have that time to accomplish the things I have no or little time for now. ;)

I hope you all have PEACE and a POSITIVE attitude.

Remember that when you're having an off day, (or any time really)you can talk to your Guardian Angels & Spirit Guides. Ask them to surround you, for them to allow everything that happens to happen for the 'greater good', ask them to surround you with the white light of God. For them to help keep you free from any harm, any evil, or any negativity. It does work. All you need to do is ask. :)

In Light & Love

^j^

P.S. I wish you all a wonderful 4th of July holiday!!! (Bobby & I are going fishing. YAY!)

Sleepy, Sizzilin Saturday

2010-06-12T16:20:00.000-07:00

So here's a pic of THE MAN. I so love him!! This pic, of course, does neither of us justice but I still love it because I feel the happiness between us eminating from the dreamy looks were both giving the camera.

I'm working in the office today & its been quite challenging to stay awake. Not only because of my toothache med which makes me sleepy, but because I didn't get to sleep til early this morn. Bobby & I watched the movie 2012 late into the morn then he surfed the web on the laptop looking at homes for sale. Yes yes, we are looking to buy & it is a buyers market right now. We meet with a financial advisor this coming week to work out fine details about credit, debt, blah blah & the easiest way to go about getting what we really want. I would love to be able to stay where we are at but neither of us see that happening & besides, it was his & his ex's place before we got together, so maybe its time to create our own space together & instead of being tucked away on a nice city avenue, maybe we can find peace tucked in open spaces surrounded by a green green forest where lightening bugs galore in the lazy summer evenings! :)

The diet is well.......lets say hit a plateau. I have virtually stayed the same weight now for almost a month. Yay and not so yay. I have between 40 & 60 more lbs to lose to reach goal & I just want to see what I can achieve & if I think it's too much weight lost then be able to put a tad back on but also get more toned up in the process. Still not doing anything routine-ish as far as exercise goes. Darn. Where does time go? I know having three living levels in our house has helped out my legs tremendously, via the stair cases and the daily LOADS of laundry that take place when you have 2 adults & 5 children under one roof. Like I said though, I wouldn't change it for the world. I am in HEAVEN. Seriously.

I have cheated a few times. Ugh. I always feel badly when I eat a cookie or take a sliver of cake. Well not only because, yes, the sugar gives me this belly thing that happens for about an hr or so after I eat the treat (gurgle, pop & 'hey whats in here?') but because I know it doesn't aid in the fact I have hit this plateau either. I did grill the best brats for the fam the other night & it was your typical warm summery evening easy-make dinner. Brats, cold baked beans, chips, salad etc. I decided to try a green pepper & onion stuffed brat, not the cheddar brats I also made with them, & it was great at first, but half way thru I started to get the foamies. My nose started to run & I felt VERY nauseous, so I STOPPED. Pushed myself back from the table full of good conversation & smiles (the fam). Bobby looks at me & says 'Babe you ok?' Me: 'No, I think I am going to be sick.' Him: 'Well if you need to leave the table you can you know.' I stood up & did more than leave the table. I needed as far a way from that plate as possible. I went outside off the back porch & around the side of the house where for a minute I was ok, then I gagged. Then my belly hurt so bad that I thought I might die. Then all that passed & I was fine after about a half hr. Ok, so NOW I know I will still cook those lovely brats, BUT I will NOT eat those lovely brats to save my life. Add another food item to the list of 'will not go there'. But you know what? I am totally OK with that. Totally.

Anyways, I hope that you are all doing well & remembering to drink lots of water ;)

In light & love

^j^

Summer I am Ready!

2010-05-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

2010-05-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

Headache. Ugh. Try a 5 day or more headache. No no no I'm not talking about the kids not minding, too much laundry, where we gonna pay that bill from? & 'Did you remember to put gas in the truck when you came home?' kinda headaches. I'm talking. Mind reeling. Forgetfulness because you can't remember what exactly NOT having a headache feels like anymore. (kinda like the stuffy nose thing where you haven't been able to taste anything in days feeling) BUT I think I have finally taken the first step to recovery from the vise thats been put on either side of my head. I went & was seen in ER during my lunch half hr today. I had a filling fall out of a tooth a week or so ago & of course, have put myself last amongst everything else going on in life & the Dr decided to put a bit of pressure on it & it made me jump. Ah yes, so I have no been blessed with good genes when it comes to my teeth. And it probably didn't help that from the age of about 17 til 39ish I drank way too much soda on a daily basis & did not eat as healthy as I do now. So alas, my ER visit discharge read 'Tooth Pain w/ headache' & I was put on an anti-biotic & a pain killer, since tylenol was not touching the pain anymore. Wonderful. However, I have had a slight reprieve from the pain which has been heaven sent as I only slept about 3-4 hrs last night because the pain was so intense I thought my head might pop off my shoulders. I tried to avoid the ER to resolve this, but my work schedule has been so that I can't make clinic hrs when they are open & I needed some immediate relief since I'd already been self healing at home.

I had a cup of chili for lunch today. It was heaven with big fat chunks of tomatoes. It warmed my insides and gave me that extra heat I needed once I went out for my walk afterwards. It was all of about 60 degrees out, not so bad, but would have loved the sunshine for its warmth today.

For dinner I had a slice of roast beef with gravy over & 5 brussel sprouts (YUM!). My inbetween snacks today were a carb master strawberry yogurt from Kroger. A banana. And my breakfast was Honey bunches of Oats with Almonds with low fat milk. Not bad. The day is not over & if I choose another snack I'm sure it will be a veggie with a bit of peanut butter for taste.

I lost 7 lbs. Finally off the plateau, but I weighed myself mid morning this morn and it read 2 lbs back on. Maybe it was the difference in weight of what I wore from the other day as well, who knows. Either way I fee like I look great & I know I am still on the right path. ;)

On a more 'blonde' note: I went to leave for work yesterday morn & the trucks steering decided to lock up on me. I did what I was taught by turning the wheel, only it become seriously locked & I was getting frustrated. Walked back in the house to where my significant other was sitting & asked "Babe is there some magic spell I need to do or something to unlock the steering wheel in your truck?" He came out & we both wen thru another 15 minutes of "You've got to be kidding me?" "Gonna string the kids up by their toes..What the h E double hockey sticks? and so forth. I call my adopted dad to see if he can think of anything that we may not have.... He says "Are you sure you have the right key?" WHAT? Of course I (look down & ummmmmm) I looked at Bobby and said "Babe these are the keys for the red truck, not this one." Oh my HEAVENS!!! I wanted to crawl under the truck & hide & he walks away with a huge smile and relief written all over his face & as he's handing me the right keys to get me where we need to go. Grrrr....life's little blonde moments.

Anywho, my life is ticking I must bid farewell. Have an awesome night minus blonde moments!!

^j^

The Ring

2010-05-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a pic of the ring. Of course it's beautiful here BUT much more beautiful in person. ;)

It is black hills gold with a gold & copper leaf design inset on either side of the diamond. Sooo pretty. And I don't know what it is but I have always had an affinity to trees & leaves, & Bobby did not know this at the time he bought it but it's totally perfect!!!

I'm bored today. Bored; you say? Yes. BORED. Sitting here at work, scheduling done- check. Filing done- check. Waiting for phone calls back- check. Bored. CHECK. I brought a few things to read. One I am loving: "Looking and Laughing at Life" by local author Maureen Burns, who is also a motivational speaker. She is so down to earth and hilarious to read! I have also been browsing the "Etsy" website & having fun looking at all the creativity the flourishes from so many people. It helps to inspire me in so many ways.

I ate a turkey/cheese salad for lunch today. It was yummy! Small chunks of turkey, mozarella cheese grated, fresh peas, spinach, leafy greens & lettuce, 3 small cherry tomatoes a little bit of Mrs Dash, & a very little bit of low fat ranch dressing. Oh!! & a sprinkle of sunflower seeds! Yum!

I had a slimfast protein bar for breakfast, then about an hr after I had that I ate a mandarin orange. I so love them! Haven't had enough water to drink today, trying to kick that into gear. But I could so go for a nap right now. Guess I better get up & go for a quick walk to get some blood flowing & hopefully shake off this sleepy slumber that wants to prevade my afternoon. Anyone got an extra pillow? *Laugh*

In light & love

^J^

Finding the balance

2010-05-12T06:34:00.000-07:00

Still working on find that balance in the different foods, but I feel much more confident & educated than I ever have. I am so conscious of what I put in my body now & I do realize when I eat that half of an english muffin with peanut butter in the morning I get craving more carbs, but I am definately in a much better frame of mine & place about being able to control those urges.
I have noticed I can feel my hip bones. :) I have also been able to say that yes I do have butt bones *laugh* and sometimes they get pretty uncomfortable. I used to be able to say I was getting "tired butt syndrome" if I had to sit for a length of time, but I have to say that butt bones make it worse.
On another WONDERFULLY EXCITING note; Bobby gave me a promise ring this past Saturday. He & the kids surprised me with a beautiful hanging planter full of flowers for Mothers Day, then he sat down in front of me on the foot stool in the livingroom & said some very beautiful things & took out the box & slipped the ring on my finger. It was perfect. I wanted to cry in happiness but I was sooooo happy & in shock that I couldn't. I definately was not expecting him to say or do what he did & that just makes it all the more special.
Busy day today running errands and finishing up things I want to get done before I start my 7 day rotation tomorrow at the hospital. Taking Bobby his lunch, doing some running, & later tonight is drum circle meditation. I feel so blessed.
Hope this finds you all well & happy in your corners of this world!!
^j^

Quiet Day

2010-05-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

Ok so maybe not so quiet with 5 kids in the house, but it did start out that way this morning. Kids slept in on this rainy Saturday morning & I tiptod downstairs at 8am to make Bobby's coffee before he got up for work. I enjoyed the bit of peace for all of 15 min before the first foot falls came trudging down the steps & I heard the words, "Mom can you get me a bowl of cereal?"
He pulled out the box of sugar..aka.."Lucky Charms". Ahh the joy, I wonder how long it takes for it to metabolize and for the house to start jumping?
From there I headed to the basement to the laundry area, HOLY HEAPS!! What 2 days of errands and neglecting the laundry can do!! Plus with Mother Nature's ever weeping ways (rain) the drain is not working properly, so that means a slow go of wash. Ugh. Where's the plumber when you need him?
I wanted to be able to do something fun with the kids this weekend like go out & take a walk in the woods and possibly look for moral mushrooms & get some fresh air & exercise. But wet forest and feet doesn't sound all the appealing. Riding bike around town sounds nice, but I don't yet own one & the kids' bikes, well 2 don't have any & the others need air in the tires. See where this is going? Right. Nowhere~ FAST. Would love to go to Abrams Planetarium in E Lansing, but need to check the schedule, sheesh, I don't even know if they have a website, better go check.
Trying to figure out what'll be on the menu for eats today. Bought stuff for hard & soft tacos, maybe the kids will enjoy that. Something easy & fun. I had a half of an english muffin with low fat peanut butter for breakfast & a 1/3 cup of milk, along with my Optifast multi vitamin. Good way to start the day.
Hope you all have a great weekend!!

Spinach Salad & The Radio Flyer

2010-05-06T17:16:00.000-07:00

Had my actual 6 month post bari follow up appt at the weight management center. All went well & it was nice to actually see the figures on paper & make the realization that the fat that I have lost equals 25 five pound bags of sugar. Try pushing that around in the grocery cart for a few spins. Interesting concept huh? I can remember a time when I would walk & I could feel the fat on the top of my back jiggle & thinking to myself "I really need to do something about this". Now I don't have that. I feel the most fit I have ever felt. I still have to take that second glance in the mirror sometimes or in the store window I walk by because I can't believe I am seeing myself. It's funny really. We have 1 mirror at home thats full body & I guess I see myself kind of as my 'old self'. Why? I couldn't tell you. BUT I was antiquing & have found the perfect secod hand/ antique shop here in Alma and I love to visit there every other week. WHY? Well not only because I like second hands & antiques but they have the greatest little spot tucked away in the back of the store. Lining both walls is vintage clothing, purses, bags & shoes BUT the whole wall to the back is a mirror. The first time I walked into that niche I loved it & loved myself. I thought "Wow, I love this mirror, it's one of those fun house mirror thats makes you look smaller and curvier." WELL as I stood there I realized that it in fact was a true mirror & not anything different than what it was & that I was seeing my true self. So when I don't see myself the way I do at home & I get the chance to, I stroll in and browse a bit then go back & see myself & the success I have achieved thus far. I love that moment. That moment of being surrounded by the old, the used, the re-furbished & it makes me feel empowered. Gives me that hope, that breath, that I know I have done this. This IS ME. And I am loving ME.

We have spent more time out in Mother Nature. Kids & I have been walking and enjoying the transition of Spring. The radio flyer has gotten lots of miles on it. It's the old style, metal & old style wheels. Not like the new plastic & big plastic wheels radio flyer. Brings me back to my childhood. We used our radio flyer til it literally rusted out. There came a time when I didn't remember that it was actually red since the brown rust had given it so much character. Back in the day my mom had these old brass like fold out tray tables that had made it outside & we used to take one and fold it out inside the radio flyer & put one of moms old sheer green curtains over it to make it into an old coach wagon. One of us would pull the other pretending of course that we were the best of the best in a horse breed. We used to play "Little House on the Prairie".

Bobby, I & the kids went out for dinner tonite. Ponderosa. Had to bump 2 tables together so we all fit. I love it. I love the kids & I love my life. Had a piece of salisbury steak with gravy, a tablespoonful of mashes potatoes. Steamed green pepper & onions & I splurged & had a piece of banana bread. Before that I ate a small portion of spinach salad with garbonzo beans, pecans, shredded cheese & a little olive oil & manadarin orange slices. I was pretty stuffed feeling when I finished. I didn't eat well today, meaning I didn't plan anything becuase usually I eat several small things thru out the day, but the running I had to do & the Dr appt.

I'm tired tonite. The couch is calling my name. Well actually I am already here typing from the laptop. But it's time for quiet time, that 'end of the day' slow relaxation & mindless entertainment from "Three and a Half Men" ;)

Here's to health and wealth in many more ways then most conventional.

WE are blessed.

138 and counting

2010-04-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

Thus far I have successfully lost a total of 138lbs. Yay!! I haven't gotten tired of people saying how great I look or some of the responses I still get from people who have not seen me in awhile!

I am doing well. Adding a bit here & there to my diet, but in moderation & on a more 'health conscious' level then ever before. My labs all look good except that my TSH levels are still off. Which makes me want that afternoon nap. But I think I haven't been sleeping well at night either. Am I doing enough during the day to warrant good sleep in the night? FOR SURE!! And sometimes I stay up late with my bf Bobby til the wee hrs of the morning watching tv. (I'm sure the couch has my name on it after 9p or 10p at night) :) Inevitabley though, if I sit for any length of time, what happens?? I fall alseep, plain & simple. I mean thats jus a given for a mother of now 5 (yes I said 5) kids in the house full time ages from 15 to 3, and working full time outside the home & keeping a huge leash on everything else that goes with blissful domestication!! And of course being a best friend & lover to the greatest bf ever!!

I have incorporated walking more into my schedule. This does happen everyday when I am on my 7 day rotation at the hospital. but it doesn't always take precedence in my home life. Does chasing after my 2 youngest count I wonder?? *Laugh* I have realized that I do need to start excercising to keep up my muscle mass & strength. I would love to join a gym & have a regular membership, but its next to impossible at the moment due to finances and lack of time for myself. Ahh, the joys of motherhood. But I wouldn't trade my brood for the world!! Well maybe a 3 month vacay to Scotland with my bf --Ha!! JUST JOKING!! About the trading part that is.

I have an appt coming up to see the weight management behaviorist & also the dietician, which I am looking so forward to! I need to have that re-connect so I can better organize my dietary needs. Not that I feel I have lost track, its not that, but I haven't felt as focused to seek out the protein I know I need on a daily basis.

I know that I am very thankful for all the blessings that have come into my life and for all the wonderful support I continue to recieve. My cup of GRATITUDE overflows at times. When we can get 'ourselves' out of the way I think we can lead & live a happier, more simplified, less stressful life. When you can wake up in the morning, running late, nothing seems to be going the way it should and you can sit on the ride to work, either while driving or being driven & look out the window & appreciate that beautiful sunrise, or even the darker gray tones on a rain cloud, well....I think there's something to be said about that. If we can take a look through more open and inquisitive eyes, its there for us to see and achieve. You just have to believe.

I hope this finds you all well & blessed!!

In Light & Love

A Taste of 'Before' & A Dash of 'After'

2010-03-08T19:33:00.000-08:00

So I haven't shared any photos before this time but here's a taste of my journey. I will post more soon. I promise!!

Life is WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Transformations

2010-02-28T15:39:00.000-08:00

Haven't been here in awhile. Life gets busy, or rather you get busy living ;) Hope all is well with all of you and that your making things matter in your lives. Remember that a lot of times it's the small things that matter. The small steps make large bounds.

Weight loss is going well for me. I am pleasantly pleased with the successes I have & am experiencing. I ate too much at supper tonight. I am a bit uncomfortable and hope that it passes. I ate a few things that were new too me, or rather my new pouch. Things I hadn't eaten yet, so maybe thats part of the 'full' feeling I have.

I am excited that Spring & Summer are just around the corner. I an anxious to get out & walk & do many more things than winter will allow. I am looking into gym memberships & trying to figure out blocks of time that will enable me to work out. Living with Bobby & having an awesome sand colored lab named Tanner, I know at times when no one wants to walk with me that Tanner will be my walking partner. :) I just hope he will listen too me as well as he does Bobby.

My hair has finally stopped falling out so much. For that I am thankful. I thought for awhile I might go bald!! Everyday I would worry because I was cleaning out way more hair from the comb than normal. Now I have 'fuzzies'. Fuzzies you say? New hair growth thats at all growth stages and looks like baby duck fuzzies. I'm serious. Its pointless to try and blend it in too because inevitably they spring back up the way they want too.

I had to have a mammogram recently. Went to my yearly check up at my ob gyns office & she ordered a mam. because I have fibrostics cysts, but now that I have lost 125lbs they are more noticable. I got a clean bill of health from the breast ultrasound & mammogram. All is well. :)

In light & love~

Happy Beyond Measure

2010-02-16T17:54:00.000-08:00

Hello all!! I hope you are all doing well and forging thru the winter doldrums that seem to try and keep our days slow paced and unimaginative. Note: I said 'try'. Some are able to overcome, some of the time, some struggle and others are successful. Thats just life.

I have been well. *Laugh* I guess that would almost be an understatement. My weight loss has been doing well. I am down 125lbs as of yesterday. I had hit a plateau that lasted 2 wks. I did not panic, although I found it odd, as I hadn't switched anything up, but alas, when I went to my Dr appt Monday, I was pleasantly surprised. I am fitting into jeans I could wear when I was a freshmen in highschool. WOW. I know right?? Of course they are not the same jeans, just todays trendy pair in sizes I could fit back then ;) . I have been able to tolerate more foods than before. I eat salads that are high in protein & always take my multi-vitamin. I still do not deviate much from drinking H2O. When I work I do tend to drink decaf, fat free, sugar free lattes, & I do drink a Crystal Light once in a blue moon. I am able to tolerate skim & 2% milk, although I don't drink either much. My boyfriend, Bobby, is a great cook and for that I am greatful, because I love to cook as well, but it is nice to be cooked for too ;). Our house combined is quite interesting. He is an insulin dependant diabetic, so I am trying to educate myself on that in its totality because honestly it scares me. Not severely, but enough that I want to understand it so that I may be of help in any way I possibly can for him. We have lots of sugar free things in our cupboards, and we also have a few extra things around that help him when he plummets.

It's been interesting here lately. We have all been sick, in different ways. Coughs, sinus stuff, ear aches, sore throats. We are all on antibiotics, so hopefully we'll all be better soon.

Valentines was a nice day. :) Bobby took my daughter & I out to LoneStar Steakhouse for dinner & then afterwards unexpectedly he surprised me with a beautiful silver heart locket necklace. I had gotten him a single red rose, a cute music card that plays Etta James song "At Last", and his favs cologne. And of course the total comfort and love that both of us share together was ever present. I'm happy and it makes everything around me so much better. For that I am tremendously greatful. I can't believe how far I have come since mid-year last year until now and it just continues on a grand roll.

For those of you who are wondering. Yes, Bobby & I moved in together. I feel like my cup runneth over. I have the 'man', 'his' kids, 'my' kids, the dog, the house. Sometimes I think I am in a dream. I wouldn't change a thing. When you make it a point to be honest in everything and the other person is on that same page you just 'know'. And its been so exciting.

When your hearts filled with love sometimes it overflows. Share it in everything you do, or touch.

In light & love~

Love is Amazing...

2010-02-06T16:29:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have not been here in awhile. Life has a way of getting busy, and time has a way of getting a way from me at times.
The weight loss is going wonderfully!! I am now down 117lbs. I can fit into size 15/16 jeans, which look totally FAB by the way!!! I'm so excited about EVERYTHING!!! I am due to have labs drawn soon to see where all of that is at. I broke down & bought a 'body suit' for underneath my clothing to help keep me warm. I seem to have a hard time keeping warm these days *laugh*, unless I am snuggled up with the newest edition to my life. Which brings me to another wonderful development in my world! FAB BOYFRIEND!
He loves me for me & we are on cloud nine together. The openess & honesty in our relationship has carried us far & some may say quickly to our commitment to eachother in the relationship. I know I am going to give this 100% because I can 'feel' that I am right where I need & want to be & its the best damn feeling I've had in forever!!! Sometimes I feel with all the successes in my life that its all jus a dream & at any moment I will wake up, but when I feel his arms around me I know this is my reality & I feel truly blessed!
I wanted to give you all a quick update. I will have more time to post tomorrow, so alas, i bid farewell, until we meet again!
PEACE & LOVE
^j^

Death, Re-birth & the Promise of Tomorrow

2010-01-04T13:46:00.001-08:00

My maternal grandmother died yesterday. She was 95 due to turn 96 in April. Her health had been failing her and so had her mind, but I know she lived a wonderful God filled life & now the Angels have taken her home. She wasn't a 'close' grandma, she had always had her own agendas & lived far away. I do have fond memories of her making us peanut butter & banana sandwiches as kids, telling us during the summer months to steer clear of dragonflies or else they would sew our eyes shut with their tails. She had a white fluffy dog for a long time named 'Tuffy' & she loved her dearly. She had this smile & this laugh I don't think I could ever forget, kind of like a melody with a high dramatic end to it. Her hands were soft as silk & she attended church & also taught bible study classes for years. She lived modestly & spoke softly. What a beautiful woman. You will be missed grandma.
This new year has actually besides the loss of my grandmother been uplifting and more promising and peaceful than I could have imagined. I think mostly in part to my changed way of looking at life in its totality and too my being surrounded by some pretty amazing people at all levels. I am still learning my 'gifts', but things seem to come a bit easier to me now. I am also very in tune with my body and the changes it has gone thru and the changes it continues to go thru. I am conscious of what I put in my body, my mouth. I am empowered by my success and know that I can go the distance. That this is only one small part of who I am and theres so much more to be thankful for.
I am down 100lbs as of today. My new fav jeans that I got at Christmas time are a tad bit big on me. Is it ok to say that I like my big butt? And that I do not wish to lose my boobs? LAUGH. I am serious though.
There are a few other developments that I wish to remain anonymous at this time but I will update you on those at a later time. Sometimes when you wish & pray and have tucked those things away and have the patience for them to develop, well; they I believe are answered. All we have to do is keep the Faith.
Remember that a smile & even a warm embrace can change a dismal day into one filled with hope.
In light & love

Phat jeans, Skinny jeans, Every inbetween jeans

2009-12-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I have come to the realization that my once skinny black jeans have become my old black phat jeans, and that my Christmas present too myself blue jeans are my favorite jeans, while my really nice white jeans also look really good as well!! I'm excited!! Although I'm sure the sales ladys in the clothing stores I usually shop are probably excited when I walk through the door. No, I didn't go out and spend a huge amount of money for them~ I mean why would I when in a few weeks I'll be into another size? BUT...I did have to have something that I felt good & looked good in right? So paying $15 is not the end of the world. Trust me, if I could find ones that looked great & felt better at the Salvation Army, well they would be mine!! But I haven't been able to find anything that appeals too me there.

The photo I posted is of me. Yes yes!! All serious & blue eyed.

This holiday weekend has been a bugger. Boring more like, but I have enjoyed catching up with friends & family during my lulls. The next 3 days here at work should go by fairly fast & then I am so looking forward to my days off!! Cleaning house, spending time with kids & who knows what other wonderful things may happen.

I do plan on checking out something a friend of mine shared with me. Protein bullets? You can buy them over the counter, liquid capsules, although apparently they contain collagen, so I may have to touch base with my nutritionist & see if its something she recommends. Of course I would not use it frequently, but only now & again, when I know I haven't obtained the right amount during a day. I'll keep you posted. ;)

I had a lovely salad today for lunch. Turkey, cheese, mushrooms, peas, little lettuce and a bit of fage yogurt mixed in with crushed boiled egg. Might not sound like a lot too you, but it was divine let me tell you!

It's gently snowing outside here. Looks peaceful, however I know that its VERY cold out. Looks better from this nice cozy seat I am in. Happy that I wore a sweatshirt today to stay warm.

I'm happy!!

PEACE

Merry Christmas!!!

2009-12-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone!! May you be blessed this holiday season & throughout the New Year!

My children & I celebrated our Christmas last night. It went over well, as I told them I put a special call into Santa since I had to start back to work on a 7 day & we needed to celebrate a few days early. ;) They were happy with the things they recieved & played til their hearts content. It made my heart happy to see them happy & that was my Christmas present :)

Onto the weight loss subject. I lost 10lbs from the last week I worked, during my week off. WOW. What did I do? I can't really say, because I did eat & I did eat healthy, I drank more water, & I recall a day where it seemed I ate more than normal, but I still lost! I know I did not go out walking, as Michigan weather has been snowy & cold, but I did walk during shopping trips to the mall & the stores. Some of you have asked me what is a typical day in eating like for me, so I thought I would share :)

Breakfast: 1/4 c of Special K/ or sometimes Kashi Go Lean Cereal with just enough fat free skim milk to cover the bottom of the bowl. & sometimes I will eat just a South Beach Living high protein cereal bar. (10g to 14g of protein)

Water 16oz glass after I have waited a half hour for my pouch to digest.

Snack: Yoplait fat free light yogurt. (5g protein)

My fav flavors: Strawberry, Key Lime, Peach Harvest

Water 16oz glass again after waiting for my pouch to settle.

Lunch: beef stir fry with veggies (protein anywhere from 14g to 19g)

Water

14 oz Chocolate Muscle Milk Light 20g protein

Snack: ritz crackers (4) with Simply Jiff creamy fat free peanut butter.

Supper: 2oz of pork chop with a sauce or gravy. Few veggies, carrots, green beans.

Water

And if I feel like something later in the evening its usually the ritz crackers with peanut butter.

I feel great today. I 'feel' like I look good & have been told several times that I look great.

I met a pretty amazing man. We're excited to see where things could possibly go. He's a breath of fresh air. Intelligent, well spoken, kind, caring, strong, a good father, and someone I could definately see myself spending more time with. So we shall see. He shares an interest in the whole paranormal realm & is fascinated with my abilties. We can talk for hours and not get bored. I'm happy :)

Thank you God for all the gifts you have bestowed upon me.

Wishing you all the best in life & love!!

PEACE

Tired with a Twist of Yawn

2009-12-16T07:46:00.000-08:00

Tired today. Combination of little sleep & the fact that its my last day of my week on. **Yawn** It's soooooo cold outside! And I don't think I had enough protein yesterday.
Are you all ready for Christmas? I still have shopping to do. Procrastinator here. I meant NOT be this way this year. I think it was in my New Yrs resolutions somewhere last yr, but alas; here I am again, scrambling to finish the wonderful joys of shopping. It wouldn't have been so if I hadn't of moved into the new place. Time hasn't allowed for me up til now to be able to go 'just Christmas shopping', without the kids. I have to work Christmas Eve & Christmas Day both, great for the pockets, but not so much for the heart. This is the third Christmas I have worked in a row, just the way our rotations fall, and I recognize my kids are only little once. Last yr Santa came early and I'm thinking he will again this yr. ;)
I'm hoping to get a lot of things accomplished on my days off.
I have support group on saturday. Yay!! I'm so looking forward to connecting with others. Then maybe shopping & possibly meeting someone for lunch. Then maybe out later in the evening to watch a friend play/sing in a band.
Hope you are all well!
^i^

Is this Heaven?

2009-12-11T05:27:00.000-08:00

I am in heaven this morning. It's wonderful. I am drinking a 12 oz cup of fat free, sugar free, decaf french vanilla, hazelnut latte. YUM! I didn't know how well I would like it or how well it would go down, since my primary drink of choice is H2O. BUT, I think I found my nice lil splurge every once in awhile. Seems nice to drink something a little different and that warms the insides from this crazy cold weather we are experiencing!

Yesterday I ate; a caramel peanut butter south beach living diet bar for breakfast (12g of protein). I had a cup of cheesy broccoli soup for lunch & for supper, with 2 crackers per cup. Then in between here & there I ate almonds, maybe 15 total throughout the day. Then later in the evening I had a few pieces of thinly sliced cooked beef with about 1/3 c of brown rice & sauce. I lost another 5lbs since last week, making total lost now 85lbs. My jeans are fitting a bit loosely today, & I feel great, & it feels good to feel like I 'look' good. Thats a lot for me to say in that last statement. We are all our own worst critics, but though I may have always been told 'you have such a beautiful face' that didn't always make up for how I felt 'inside'. But I am starting to enjoy ME.

"Happiness is not in our circumstances, but in ourselves. It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire. Happiness is something we are." J Sheerin

"When you live your life with an appreciation of coincidences and their meanings, you connect with the underlying field of infinite possibilties." Deepak Chopra

PEACE. ^j^

My Glass Runneth Over :)

2009-12-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

Well, not really. Trying to drink drink drink, water that is. I know I didn't drink as much as I should have yesterday. Today I am determined!

Stopped into a GNC store yesterday looking for unjury, the clerks had no idea what I was talking about. Funny!! They work there & didn't know what it was until I shared what it was. 2 'buff' guys. Funny. So I wasn't afraid to share with them that I was post bariatric & had recently lost 80lbs. Of course right away they pointed me to some choices in whey or soy protein powders. They did show me an option that I might consider, which is another 'tasteless protein' powder that I could mix up in anything. So, who knows, maybe my face will grace their store again if I can't find unjury anywhere near me. I do have a few other health food stores to check out.

We have a huge winter storm headed our way. Ugh. I hope Mother Nature is kind to us because I really hate driving on bad roads. And I am supposed to start my 7 day rotation at the hospital thursday. The snow/freezing rain is supposed to start tonight and go thru thursday. Yay. Not. I have a hard time staying warm as it is, let alone Mother Nature & Jack Frost conspiring to make what some people would call "hell freeze over". No, no, thats not my thought about life...I just think it sounded funny! I LOVE LIFE!!!! I think I might have to invest in long johns this year though. Shhhhh...

Well, I must begin my day. Organizing my kitchen & finish sorting through clothes. Then I shall relax.....ahhh.

Ok peeps, have a great day & stay blessed!!

^j^

Sunday Sunday

2009-12-06T09:06:00.001-08:00

I need a smoothie. **Laugh**, no really, it sounds so good right now & I haven't had 1 since last week sometime. It's a 'want', not a 'need' but at least its a healthy 'want' right? Wish I could have had 1 to start my day out.

Wanted to share this photo. Do you see the Angel? Sometimes we forget when life gets too busy that all we need to do is look 'up'! And sometimes we get pleasant surprises when we do! I've always been fascinated by clouds anyhow. When I was a child my mom would take a blanket & lay it out, or sometimes we would just found a nice comfy spot in the grass & lay down & looked at the clouds & find shapes that made for great imagination & conversation!

I also need a new pair of blue jeans. Ugh & YAY! Ugh because I can't afford it, yay because I am getting closer everyday to my goal! I'm wearing a shirt today that I never thought I would feel comfortable in, but this morning when I put it on..it was 'me' and that feels pretty good. :)

I'm going to look for some 'unjury' today. Protein, that is. A friend of mine found some that is virtually tasteless, so it can basically be added to a wider variety of foods & drinks. I'm excited about that prospect, so that I can achieve a better balance of protein throughout the day.

I celebrated 'cookie day' with my adopted family, many friends, new & old yesterday. Have done it now for the last nine years & enjoy it every year! We gather & bake christmas sugar cookies, frost them, sprinkle them in all the sugary splendor! We all bring our own containers and usually decorate plenty extra for others who can't get out this time of year, or just to spread some cheer. There is a rule during this decorating frenzy, 'if the cookie breaks while your frosting it, you have to eat it'. Of course after a few; the greatness of this rule wears off, but going into it the kids love it! I wasn't sure how I would do this year, not being able to eat any of these tasty treats, but it didn't phase me at all. I did not eat any cookies, though they smelled delicious & looked very sinful! I did catch myself going to lick the frosting off my fingers but decided against this, as I did not want my pouch to hate me! We had fun and filled our 2 small buckets, enjoyed conversation & had a delightful time. Came home and I made my famous spaghetti & meatballs that went over fabulous for dinner, we hunkered down & watched "Horton Hears A Who" for the zillionth time and all was well in the world.

Sitting here with a small tray of colby-jack cheese & THE BEST crackers ever, Triscuit 'Cracked pepper & olive oil'. YUM! A bit of protein with some crunch added! (cheese & crackers).

Alas, I have to get this day in gear, places to go, people to see.

PEACE ^j^

I'm Finding My Way

2009-12-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

Drank a good amount of water today. Didn't eat as much protein as I should have but a friend of mine shared some cool protein snacks stuff & also told me about a store in Grand Rapids MI that caters to health foods & high protein snacks & meals. Cool stuff.

Met with my bariatric surgeon yesterday & one of his interns. Asked me questions & felt & looked at my incision sites. All is well he said! I have lost a total of 80lbs now. Wow. I feel great. I can finally kind of see the changes that everyone visibly sees in me. I have been a little concerned thinking that maybe I am losing too fast but all my labs keep coming back normal other than my TSH, which will have to be adjusted by medication. So Dr Y told me again "everyone is different, everyone loses differently." And he seems comfortable with the results I am seeing. In fact, I haven't felt this great in a long while.

Kids & I will put up our Christmas tree in the next few days. Its the traditional 'cookie day' on Saturday at my 'adopted families home'. The kids are excited & so am I. Its just a nice cozy tradition & makes me feel 'a part of something'. I'm so greatful for them. Our extended family by choice!

Kids & I got all moved into our new place. I love it! It's SO much better than our old house. Now I just need to finish unpacking & putting things away. I've gotten rid of a bunch of toys & clothes & know there is more that I can 'unload' to Salvation Army.

I am asking my Angels to help us with our new place & allow it to be a very positive change & for it to be a properous change.

Hope you're all doing great and enjoying life!

In light & love!!

^j^

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

2009-11-26T11:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!! I hope this day finds you content & blessed with 'enough'.

I love this photo I posted. It's from the Chapel of Thanksgiving in Dallas Texas. No, I have never been but if I were traveling that way, this would definately be marked on my 'to visit' list. What a beautiful blessing & what an inspirational vibe I get from it!

I attended a support group meeting this last wkend. Glad I went, I was a little late getting there but it was nice to connect & get information. It lifted my spirits. I had my 3 month post op Dr appt at the weight management center. I have met 44% of my end goal weight already! Yay me! Today I weighed myself & discovered I have now lost a total of 77lbs. Wow. My labs are all doing great, except for my TSH which I've had existing problems with even before surgery. It's just a matter of adjusting the medicine. My body seems not to be absorbing it for some reason. But I feel great!

I've been in the process of moving from one place to another. Whew. Exhausting. Why do I keep stuff? I think I got that from my mother. I got rid of all my 'fat clothes' thus far & clothes that the kids have grown out of, took it all to the Salvation Army. I had a hard time with it at first, but it sure felt great when I dropped it off & didn't have to worry about hauling it all round anymore!! I have another 7-10 medium boxes full of stuff to go yet, but no time since I am back to work already today. Hopefully I can get a friend of mine to drop the stuff off for me, so that I can be done with it!!! I have run across things I haven't seen in almost 2yrs. 2yrs you say? And just why am I hanging on to it if its been packed away 'out of sight, out of mind'? Thats the question that eludes me.....SO I think I will be parting with said 'stuff', because I obviously do not need it. I am VERY excited to have ALL my Christmas stuff in boxes sitting in my new bedrm because this yr I feel like going all out with decorating. I've been Ms Scrooge the last few yrs, not because I don't love Christmas, it's actually my favorite holiday. (all the smells, the good friends, family, the sparkly lights, the abundance of Angels) but because I haven't had the 'space' to be able to display anything. So the kids are going to love it this yr for sure! And mom in heaven, I'm sorry I just couldn't keep some of the things I thought I would always hang on too because they were yours. I realized the memory of you is way better than any material thing could ever be, like the few sweaters I had that were yours, or the darn 5" black & white tv you & dad used to take camping with you when you went. You will be pleased to know however, that someone else will love your old sweaters & get use out of that ole tv set!!! So, in some small way I'm paying things forward, I know how much I love those second hand shops!!!

PEACE

Well....Get on with It!!!

2009-11-18T14:29:00.000-08:00

I'm happy. For the moment. Wait, maybe I started this out wrong...let me start over. I had a great day til I came into work this afternoon. Don't get me started. Lets just say that my boss is the kind of boss that tries to find anything she can to make my day miserable. (and she has the nerve to tell me that I don't have a positive attitude! Go figure!) I came in late after scheduling someone else to work my shift for me, so that I could go to a Dr appt in East Lansing at the Weight Management Center.
My labs look pretty good, although my tsh levels are up & my med will need to be adjusted. I have lost 1 3/4 more inches from my hip area & nothing in the waist...ummpppfffhhh. But my BMI starting out was 53.2 (wow) and I am now at a 41 BMI. Yay!! I am going to try and post my before picture here within the next few wks & also a current picture of my success, so be on the look out!!! I'm in the process of packing up my house to move to a new place (very excited) so I may not get to it straight away, but it will be here soon!
So a curious thing I've noticed. That some people just don't have the 'drive' to achieve certain goals & I KNOW for sure I USED to fall under the same catagory. It saddens me when I see or hear this & sometimes I just wanna reach out & hug but I know deep down we have to want it bad enough to be able to make those changes happen, or else it just can't be done. I saw this quote recently & it hit home:

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." Lao Tzu

Every new day is a chance to tranform yourself.

I've learned that I was an emotional eater. I did it to pacify my feelings, when in reality it was only hurting me. I have learned that I am the Captain of my ship...and I am the ONE in control. It also helps to have a positive attitude & a support group of friends, or co-workers, or even family. I haven't gotten tired of people walking past me or stopping me to say "wow you look great!!" I'm not sure that I could ever get enough of that, because for once it feels really good to be accepting of a compliment that I KNOW I have worked hard to achieve to get this far! I still think of myself like I did when I was at my heaviest and I probably will for a long time yet. I'm still a little self conscious about 'my space'. The dietician told me today "you'll think that way for a long time yet, then one day you'll be walking past some store shop windows & catch your reflection & you'll stop and say "wow, thats me!" " I can believe that.
I hope that you're all doing well & achieving your goals one small step at a time!!! ^j^

Thankful

2009-11-16T06:04:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful. Not for any one specific thing, but for many things in life. I'm thankful for my children & our good health. For the many blessing God continues to bestow upon us. For a job, that even though I still love but am not so 'happy' with.

I am doing well. Sitting here eating a 1/3 c of Smart Start Toasted Oat cereal with low fat skim milk, just enough milk to cover the bottom of the bowl & get the cereal wet. Lost 1lb over the weekend. Have been doing a lot of walking lately & I have noticed an energy increase!! Yay!!

Some people have asked me what I take for my multi-vitamin. I take Optisource Post Bariatric Chewable. I get mine thru the weight loss clinic I attend, although WalGreens does carry it as well!! http://www.walgreens.com/store/catalog/Post-Bariatric-Surgery/Post-Bariatric-Surgery-Formula/ID=prod403359&navCount=1&navAction=push-product . There's the product information on it if you'd like to check it out! It definately beats having to take several vitamins a day, & I eat a small little something with it to off set the citrus taste. I have to take one chewable tablet 4 times a day per Dr orders for post bari patients.

Friends & I went and seen Paranormal Activity the movie, in theaters. I wasn't sure what to expect, but the filming is a lot like how the movie 'Blair Witch' was filmed & I was not impressed with this movie much. The scare factor was there a few times, but I would'nt see or rent this movie again. Once is enough. And according to reviews I have heard about the movie 2012, I probably will not go see that.

The holidays are just around the corner. I am scheduled to work Thanksgiving & Christmas this year. Working Thanksgiving just gives me the excuse to not be around all that wonderful food, plus get time and a half & holiday pay on top! I'm a little sad about working Christmas, although my kids could celebrate any day I'm sure. I haven't even started shopping yet, so I think I need to kick it in gear this next week off and get some of it done.

I hope you are all well!!

PEACE

Chili, my Friend

2009-11-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

I love mittens! Alas Mother Nature has turned her cold shoulder and I've had to pull out the mittens & hats for everyone. Did I tell you I love mittens? Of all sizes & shapes, all colors & styles. My hands get cold so easily & I hate to think of my kids hands ever being cold. So our basket overflows with the soft gentleness of hand warming fuzzies.

I am doing great. Weighed myself today. Lost another 5lbs from last thursday. What?! How'd that happen? I expected 2-3, happy with 5, but wow. Guess it's all the walking I do when I'm at work? So total weight loss is officially 70lbs. Whew! The weight management team said it could be a yr before I lost 100lbs..I'm thinkin..NOT. When I lose another 10lbs, I'll have lost the equivalent of my daughter & youngest sons weight combined. Woah.
Today I had chili (my bestest) for lunch. I drank plenty of water today throughout, and I had a fat free yogurt for breakfast. For dinner tonight (while I'm at work) I had a Lean Cuisine dish of Turkey & mashed sweet potatoes, 13g of protein. Which reminds me, I need to take my chewable vitamin!

I haven't hardly any scrubs that fit me nicely anymore. YAY! Well, not yay because if I want to wear them, then its either wear them & almost walk out of them, invest in new, or keep wearing the street clothes that I am finding I've kept in my closet that suddenly fit again & look good. Had a lady I work with today offer to bring in a few things for me since she lost her weight in the past yr or so & she has sizes I am fitting into right now. So, that'll help a bit. I am going to have to break down & buy new bras. NOT one of my favorite things to do, but it has to be done.
I have to admit though, I'm liking the 'new me' I see emerging from behind the layers that have disappeared. But most of all I love the feeling that I'm huggin my kids closer to my heart than ever before!!!
Hope you're all well and that this finds you with a smile on your face!
PEACE ^j^

Feeling Great!

2009-10-28T06:11:00.001-07:00

Hung out last night after drum circle with friends at the Tropical Smoothie Cafe. I love it there! It has such an upbeat and positive atmosphere! I decided to try a different flavor of smoothie last night. I had the 'Muscle Blaster Smoothie' Strawberries, banana & whey or soy protein. I chose whey. It was good but I think I am partial to the 'Health Nut'. It was a great time.

This morning for breakfast I had 3/4 cup of a new cereal I have discovered! It's 'Kashi Go-Lean' cereal. It has 13g of protein, 10g of fiber & 1g of fat! I had my Vanilla Silk Soy milk with it. It obviously doesn't have a whole lot of flavor, but its not so bad. I might not have even taken a third or fourth bite of this cereal before surgery, but I have changed! :) It is amazing the changes that you go through. Not only physically, but mentally as well. I feel 'better' in general. I look at things differently. It's not hard for me to 'not have' all those other foods. It's funny when I am out with family or friends and they think it must be a total daily struggle for me. No, not really. I've made up my mind. There's things I want to achieve, things I want to do. Sure that chocolate cake baking in your oven might smell great too me, sure I imagine what it was like to taste oreo cookies dippin in a glass of whole milk. But my mind is set. And I think it helps that my appetite has not come back all the way yet. I did have what I consider a 'hunger pain'. The chili I made over the weekend turned out fabulous! I did have a few pieces of raw fruit over the weekend. Musk melon & honeydew melon. It was delicious! A nice flavor change.

I haven't been able to weigh myself. I know I've done well, I can feel it. :)

Rainy Fall Day

2009-10-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

Rainy Fall Day here. It's been rainy for 3 days now. Everything is soggy. The walk from my drive 2 the sidewalk is squishy. My lawn is full of golden colored leaves. I am seeing more displays of pumpkins out & more funny displays. Hilarious. The kids & I carved pumpkins last night at my 'adopted' parents house. We had fun! My youngest is 2 and he really got into it this year. The looks on his face as he reached in to grab out the seeds/guts was priceless!!

Had a cup of Total cereal this morning (2 grams protein) with about 1/3 c of Silk Soy Milk, lactose free, which was about the same in protein. Then chewed my chewable citrus vitamin, that post bari patients MUST have as a daily staple in their diet so as to keep afloat with daily vitamin needs.

Had a spot of pot roast (about the size of 2 fifty cent pieces but thick in width) & a few peas for dinner last night. I was so full after I ate I thought I might burst. But meat does that to my pouch, so thats why I try & just focus on the protein. I did find something new to drink. It's called "Muscle Milk" Light I buy the chocolate flavor. It's a nutritional shake, that I've seen come in Vanilla, Chocolate & Banana Creme. It's lactose free, 20g of protein (14 fl oz bottle) & has NO sugar added. The 'Light' version is 160 calories, the regular I think is about 260 calories. I had 2 of those this past week. Both times I bought & had it, it took me 2 days to finish. I'm still not about 'sweet' yet, and not that its so sweet, but for me it can be overwhelming in taste. It's kind of expensive, but I think worth it. ;) I did do the salmon thing I talked about in my last blog. Though it was good, it did not sit well in my pouch and created what is called "the foamies" for me. I thought I might get sick at one point, but did not. I think it was more the fact that I didn't eat as slowly as I should have and it caught my pouch off guard. I did manage small bits of it thru out the day but not as much as I had initially had. I'm finding that even though I have to cook for my kids, I have no urge to have what they are eating. And just as I said, I am starting to incorporate better things for them to eat as well. I baked cinnamon rolls and colored the frosting a nice orange for a halloween flair and I had no problems not eating any of them, when before I might pass by them in the kitchen and eat one, then later have another. Not anymore!

The new jeans I bought last weekend for the reunion I put on yesterday for the first time in a week and took my boys grocery shopping with me. I kept having to tug at the waist because it seemed that they fit a little looser than they had before. What?! I just bought these...hmmm. Maybe they shrunk last night in the wash...lets pray.

I had the invite to sit in on a 'MAP' class this afternoon. 'Medical Assistance Program' with the group in Mt Pleasant. I would so love to go, it deals with helping to heal yourself and others, but I may not be able to attend. No sitter in sight today. Monday I hope to spend time with two friends and watch as they channel 'spirit'. It should be interesting none the less! And then drum circle is tuesday night! I think I am sooo looking forward to that meditation time and the fact that I plan on stopping and getting a lovely high protein shake at the Tropical Smoothie Cafe!!!! Hooray!!

Well, off I go to clean my house and do the bedding in laundry! Ohhh AND I am planning on making homemade chili today! YUM! The crockpot simmering in the kitchen, the smells of fresh sheets coming out of the dryer, and the soft tap of rain in the windows. The weekend is totally here...

In light ^j^ have a wonderful weekend!

2009-10-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Had an amazing time last night at my class reunion! I'm so glad I went & it def was nice to catch up!

I had to buy a new pair of jeans to go though. Per orders from a few friends since they sized me up in my old favs that I had been proud of a few wks ago to get back into, however it was pointed out too me that they didn't really fit me anymore. What do you mean, they 'don't fit'?? Just because I have to either belt them or use a shoe string to gather them in a little...I LOVE them!! Well..I don't see me as others see me, so my kind friends who are brutaully honest (which I thank them for) made me well aware of the fact that my favs 'sagged' in the butt. Haha!! So...off shopping I went and found a great pair that I had to keep turning around in because I was seeing myself with new eyes. BUT I didn't take Heather S's advice & buy a pair that I would have to lay down on the bed with pliers to get the zipper up. Haha!! Since in a few wks they will also be almost falling off me, or 'sagging' in the butt!! I also bought a new winter coat, something I haven't had in 8 yrs. Wow huh?

Anywho, I have been walking more & doing some great stretching exercises. I have been feeling great and doing lots better on my water intake. I haven't deviated by drinking anything that I shouldn't. Case in point: last night class reunion. I wanted something to drink so I approached the barmaid with "Can I get a water?" She says, "You sure you want water?" I was like ok, is this a trick question? I did just say I wanted water. I said "yeah thanks" and she got a nice big glass tumbler full of ice water ready for me, stuck a perfect little red straw in it & said "You know what I'm gonna stick a lemon slice on the side of it for you." I laughed. Did she feel bad that I was asking for water? I mean, because I wasn't embarassed to ask for the water, but whatever made her feel comfortable. :) So when I got back to my friends, they said "You could be drinking straight vodka & no one would know." Interesting. :) But nah, it wasn't that serious.

I've decided that chili is my newest bestest friend. Not only because its cold outside & helps to warm the insides, but because it settles well in my pouch. Weird huh? Chili? U say...yeah chili. My bariatric Dr gave me that little insight in one of the last classes I had to attend with him post op. He says that chili is full of protein with the variety of beans & then also the beef. So, I have it a few times a week. I've made my own, or for a quick fix gone thru the drive thru at Wendys and bought it. The second newest favorite, oh my, is actually probably my number one fav: Tropical Smoothie Cafe' makes the most delicious high protein (in soy or whey, your choice) smoothies to die for!! My Mt Pleasant friends introduced me to this new world of healthy smoothies & I am HOOKED!!! I have only gone twice and both times gotten the "Health Nut" (blueberry, mango, banana, almonds & whey protein) smoothie. I love it!!!

What else am I eating you ask? I find that lean beef in general, whether it be slowed cooked, broiled, baked, etc, settles well with me. Still iffy on the chicken & tuna. I did buy some thick fresh salmon fillets to bake and I plan on doing that in the next few days, and I'll keep you posted about how that went. I want to start singing that dumb McDonalds commercial..."give me that fillet o fish, give me that fish.." ugh now it will be stuck in my head the rest of the day!!! (and yours now too.)

I hope your all doing well!

In light & positive energy!! ^j^

Wish Me Luck!

2009-10-16T15:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am supposed to be working. BUT, I'm not going to be working. Taking the day off w/ pay so that I can pamper myself first, then I have my 20 yr class reunion from high school to go to!! I'm excited, yet a lil nervous to see people that I haven't bumped elbows w/ for a long while. I guess I'm interested in seeing how people have changed or stayed the same. My class was about 72 total, & we're having it in the local bar/restuarant. So we shall see. I can be the biggest bitch about cigarette smoke, ugh, lol. AND I don't drink, or realllly can't anyways post bariatric, so this could be very interesting. I'm excited to see my bff from high school who is now a Dr & married w/ children. Gettin my nails done, & buyin new jeans cuz if u could see the ones I have been wearing u would know that I need a shoe lace or belt just to keep them up!!!
Oh yeah, weight lose total: 57lbs!! Woot!
Eat right, take your vitamins, stick to the plan, get some exercise, and be true too you!!!
Hugz~ ^j^

Appreciation

2009-10-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it! And if things start to sour, well, I won't let that happen! :)
I'm carrying a few crystals in my pocket today. Rose quartz= the stone of love. Adventurine= stone of abundance. Malachite= healing energy, peacefulness. Citrine= healing ability, eliminates self destructive behavior. Amethyst=strengthens immunity, energizing.

If I haven't told any of you lately. I want to say THANK YOU! Thanks for reading my blog, thanks for the words of encouragement, thanks for sharing your stories, thanks for sharing recipes & ideas! THANKS THANKS THANKS!!!! For whether we realize it or not, its a support of sorts. It's a camaraderie.

Started my day by drinking some water. Was so thirsty when I woke up this morning! I had an egg beaters, ham & low fat cheese thin wrap this morning for breakfast. I brought in, a small cup of Wendys Chili for lunch, and I have non fat small curd cottage cheese for a quick bit if need be. (protein, got to remember the protein!) I was craving something yesterday..of flavor..so I had a few sips of Crystal Light Fruit Punch drink. I don't like to drink a lot of that because of the asparatame in it and all the horrible things I have read about that ingredient. :( But for a quick few seconds it was good, and I didn't have enough of it to give me a headache.

Am I drinking water right now? Yes! And soon to go on break here from work & I plan on taking advantage of the fact that Mother Nature has not opened those dark skies out there and let it rain yet, by going for a swift walk! Guess I shoulda grabbed my umberella!!!

PEACE ^i^

Mother Nature with PMS

2009-10-05T11:31:00.000-07:00

Worked thru the weekend. Mostly uneventful. Was childless on Friday night & what did I do? I went home & was in bed by 10pm & slept like a baby!!!! The whole wkend was miserable cold & rainy. Mother Nature with PMS for sure!!!

Doing well. Trying to walk everyday, or at least do some stretching exercises. My energy has picked up & I find that my lower back pain has resolved.

I am going to work on recipes my next 7 days off from work. Try a few out so that I can get a variety of flavor. Thats where I feel like my lack of interest in eating is...no flavors!! Argh!

Weighed myself this morning and have lost another 3lbs. Someone asked me if I have lost any hair. No, not yet & I hope not too!! Or did they mean from pulling it out because of my kids?? Hmm...no *laugh* I haven't had any more hair falling out than normal when I brush it in the morning.

I have noticed I am sleeping better in the night, less tired during the day. I had to move my seat up just a little more to be closer to the steering wheel in my vechicle. I am down 2 sizes in tops, and I think only 1 or 2 sizes in pants. All I know is that I will in a few wks time have 2 look into buying new scrubs for work, having someone take them in for me, because I have a few things that are almost falling off me.

There's a Mind, Body Soul Fair at a local University this coming Saturday that I think I am going to check out. I have the potential for a date but am not sure if I will accept the invite. We shall see. Then Sunday is the Post Bariatric Annual Picnic in Lansing at 1 of the parks. Haven't RSVP'd to that yet, not sure about the weather & kids situation. Ahhh, the choices.

Hope you're all doing well!!

^j^

Wow.

2009-09-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

Today was my one month follow up surgeons appt. I weighed in and was surprised that I lost another 5lbs since this past thursday from weigh in at support group/class. SO...a total weight loss of 51lbs. WOW.

Today I was able to wear a pair of khaki dress pants that I haven't been able to wear in awhile. Woah. After my appt I decided to treat myself to 2 new tops. I wanted to buy a pair of jeans too, but found nothing that really spoke too me. I did however, remember I have a pair of jeans that I love love love stowed away in my closet, so I am soon to be searching for those & I am sure they will fit once again!

I made a nice supper for the kids & I last night. I was only able to eat the salisbury steak & it didn't settle well at first, but I never felt like it would come back up, just a little miserable. I had a few bites today as well & it did the same thing. So I guess that it will be awhile before I can eat it. No matter. I have found some really cool recipes for post RNY patients. I'm really excited to get cookin! ;)

Stay blessed ^j^

All Good Things to Those Who Wait....(wouldn't that be grand?)

2009-09-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

In support group/class I was graduated from soft foods to soft but regular foods, keeping in mind to keep it healthy, low or no fat, no or little sugars, and remembering in trying a new food to try a little and see how it sits. Whew. As if that isn't enough and trying to remember to wait that half hr after eating before I can drink my water, and just trying to get enough darn water in!!!!! I only lost 1lb this wk, but I'm ok with that. At least it was a loss right? And they measured me this time, I hadn't been measured since the day I started the program preop. I've lost 8 inches from around my waist & 7 inches from around my hips. I was like "Are you sure? Because I can't believe that." And she says "Look by your first measurements." I was impressed and thats what made me ok with losing just 1lb. Because I'm still succeeding. I may not see myself as others see me, but I'm trying my best ;)

I spent today with family & it was nice to chat & see everyone. Had a few bites of marinated meatballs, seemed to set well. And then my neice brought out her protein drink she drinks & I had a bit of that & liked it, so off to GNC I will go to find the same brand & flavor. My whey protein drink gets to me sometimes...the sweetness of it, ugh. My kids had a ball and were sleeping like babies by the time we got home tonight.

I have a follow up appointment with the surgeon on tuesday this week. We shall see what he has to say & if he releases me to go back to work full time then too. I'm really going to have to work extra hard on my juggling eating what i need to eat, drinking the water & working. I struggled last wk with it & I was only back part time. I know it can be done, but when you have a boss that doesn't understand, or tolerates things, well you get the picture.

I love this time of year. All the wonderful smells of Fall, the leaves changing, even though we didn't have much of a summer. The beautiful pumpkins and how people display them. Just the 'change' that you feel taking place. Maybe this yr it feels a little more so with what my body is going thru & the things I want to achieve. God give me strength.

Blessing too all!! ^j^

Quick Update

2009-09-23T05:19:00.000-07:00

I made myself egg beaters scrambled eggs this morning, with a little mozzarella cheese, parsley flakes, salt/pepper, and a few bits of ham. Yum! I had a 'normal' tasting breakfast! And there was protein involved! I'm finding it hard to get the protein in now that I've cut out the protein shakes the last few days. I need to switch to a different shake mix because the one I have currently is just too sweet. :( Me & sugar are not so good buddies anymore. He treats me badly if I eat something he's in. I do plan on getting new shake mixes from class/support group tomorrow when I go weigh in and fill out my weekly check in form. Just for those days when I know I didn't get the protein & I need to have a shake to balance it all out.

What am I eating? Thats the question I get asked a lot lately. I eat thinly sliced ham, non fat small curd cottage cheese, yogurt (I tried to stick to the greek stuff, but I switched to yoplait low fat, only key lime & banana flavors for now- I still can't have anything with seeds in it) I will probably be able to eat the greek stuff once I can have all those wonderful flavors, but I just had a hard time with the plain stuff. Ugh. I ate a few bites of a baked pork chop, it tasted so good, but it didn't set well in my pouch. It took a long time to process, so I know to stay away from that for awhile longer. I eat applesauce, and still from time to time have eaten baby food veggies.

I walked into work yesterday and the gal that works the wonderful Cafe outside my office, whom I used to get a lovely french vanilla/hazelnut latte from everyday when I could drink stuff like that, says too me "Everyday I see you I think you're gonna walk right outta your scrubs!" Ha! Just because they are BIG on me now that I have lost so much weight. I can't afford to at this point go investing in a lot of clothing, so for now they work. I still don't see me like other people see me. My mind is having that lapse and still sees me like I saw myself.

But thats my quick update. I go to class/support group tomorrow and will update you all after I attend! I hope your all doing well & stay blessed!!

Caio!

Healing

2009-09-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

I must have over done it in the beginning because I was feeling so great! Well, hello! 3 kids, 1 cat, 4 bdrm house, school starting, Dr appts, meet & greets, support group/class..whew, you tell me when I'm supposed to rest. I did here & there, don't get me wrong. I slept well most nights, but it had caught up too me. I went to class/support group last night & I think its truly a matter that I am NOT getting the amount of protein I thought I was. So, back to square one & food journeling, so that I can keep total track of it. All I know, I just want something that I really seem to like & have a taste for. I still have no appetite, and most times my mouth feels dry & has a not so good after taste. :( I am only drinking water, although in group we were told we could drink the "Propel" flavored waters & Crystal Light. I tried the Crystal Light, Raspberry..Yum! But it contains aspertame & gives me headaches :(. So good ole H2O, ice cold will do.

My incision sites looks great. They have all healed well. The only slight pain I have from time to time is actually just because my belly area is shrinking and as its doing that its pulling on an adhesion I have on the bowel to the front of the belly. Weird huh? But hopefully that will resolve itself by just settling in nicely so that I won't have to undergo another laprascopic surgery to get rid of the adhesions. Ahhh, the joys.

I lost another 5.7 lbs this wk. Making it a total of 46 lbs lost thus far. Wow, when I type that. My mind hasn't caught up to the realization yet, although people tell me I look great. I notice it in small ways and you know the old saying "we are all our own worst critics". I am thinking postively though :) always ^i^

I had about a 1/3 c of cream of mushroon soup yesterday. It did taste really good. It was a bite thick for me yet, but I kept it down with no problem and no after effects, so I know this is something I can eat. I used to eat it with those lovely soup crackers or saltines, but I stayed away from those. I do like to eat the low fat cheese sticks in different varieties. I like the colby-jack & the mozzarella, they make for a nice diversion and contain protein as well. I've eaten melba toast dry a few times. Its not so bad when you're feeling out your taste buds and to truly see what your pouch will tolerate. I can't wait til next week when I can graduate further to a more solid form of eating. Not that I won't have to still pay attention to portion size or the fact that I will always have to chew my food throughly and swallow in small bites. But it will just seem nice to have 'substance' I think.

In support group there was a gal who I think is struggling with the fact she just cannot have as much to eat whenever she wants it. She's a few wks ahead of me surgery wise, but for example she ate 4-5 weight watchers butter toffee bars in one sitting. OMG what? Right??? She says she feels like "food has deserted her". She paid for it physically for a day or two after. I'm so glad that the teacher that day was the 'behaviorist' for the weight management center I attend. Because he recognized it right off and we all talked about it for a bit. Slipping back into old habits and thinking your going to get better results because of a decision you made, is NOT going to get you the results you desire. A desire to succeed? Or a desire to sabotage? Well, in my case I feel blessed that I haven't had any of those old desires yet totally. I've taken charge of those areas I struggled in before enough to recognize that at some points I ate because I was lonely, sad, bored. I fill my time with spending more time with my kids. Reading more, spending time with motivational friends. Cleaning house.

I'm back to work this week. Half days only to start til I see the Dr on the 29th. So far two days in & its not been so bad. :) Kinda nice to ease back into the swing of things, but at a half-time pace.

I also went yesterday and had a Reiki and Esoteric Healing done. I loved it. I was apprehensive. I'm a touchy feely person, but I have issues when other people want to touch me, especially on the back. I have no clue why that is, but driving there I was a bit nervous, but when I got there I felt totally relaxed & comfortable. The healing was amazing and I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks. There were some interesting things that happened during the healing session which took over an hour, but as you know and read in my profile, I'm an intuative person, and have also been working on my abilities this summer. I feel totally enlightened and I took away from it a feeling of being closer to God if you can imagine that. If your unsure what either healing is about google each and discover what they mean. Some things are not for everyone :) but isn't it wonderful that we are so blessed to be able to make our own choices?

Peace ^j^

Finding Happy Mediums

2009-09-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Have been feeling tired lately. I think it's because I wake up feeling so wonderful in the mornings, that by the end of the day I have over done it in some ways, physically. By the time late afternoon hits I am ready to drop & take a serious nap.

I am getting my protein in everyday, mostly by way of my whey protein powder that I purchased. Mixed into sugar free pudding. I did eat a few bites of skinless grilled chicken & a tablespoonful of mashed potatoes this weekend. I was surprised that the chicken, which smelled marvelous, I really didn't have a taste for, even though it was juicy & grilled to perfection. The mashed potatoes were great, and after that small sitting I was full for hours after.

I am still struggling trying to get all the water in for the day. Seems like I am constantly sipping water, but still feel parched. I discussed this with the Dr & its typical to feel this way, although my labs this week will tell the true story. It did seem to help a bit when I decided to chew on ice chips on Sunday. It got that 'fuzzy mouth feeling' to go away. I constantly have a bottle of water with me everywhere I go, but it tends to get a little warm before I can finish it & I don't know about you, but I don't stomach warm water very well.

I bought a half gallon of Meijer Organic Lactaid fat free milk. Do I like it? Truth, not so much. Upon first taste it has this vanilla flavor thats not so bad, but then it just tastes like watered down milk. Ugh. But, its lactose free, so it settles better on the belly & has no after effects like regular milk sometimes does. It still could never replace good ole whole milk *laugh*. But I if I drink it, its a 1/3 c. . I don't over do it at this point. I think its going to be better to cook with than to actually drink. :) (note: I still buy whole milk for the kids because they need the extra they get from that since their brains are still developing and they have high metabolisms).

I ate a quarter of a piece of dry whole wheat toast last friday since my pouch was acting up & I thought that it would help. I ended up taking a half of an antacid tablet to calm down the 'bubbly' feeling I had goin on. Not sure what caused it, but it certainly was unpleasant. It finally went away and for that I was glad.

In all when people ask me about my choice to do the surgery..Am I happy with my choice? Certainly. Do I struggle? Sure, sometimes, but I am still only 3 wks out from surgery. The only time I did have reservations about my choice was the two days after my procedure. That was the worst, while I was still in the hospital. I was a bit disappointed this past week when I went to class/support group & found I had only lost 4lbs. What?? You say? Disppointed? Yeah, I know now that that feeling was totally unrealistic. The Dr put it in perspective for me, "if you lost 4lbs every wk for the next yr what would you end up weighing?" Yeah..wow, like 72lbs or less, I think. Not gonna happen. So that made my mood lighter.

I've also been having some interesting dreams about my weight loss. In which I experience me being 'lighter & doing things I've not done since I was a child.' I guess its my subconscious preparing me for what I am still capable of doing but just haven't because I got busy living life for others & not so much myself. I have in the past few months, been setting aside 'me time'. Its funny to say that I find it a 'guilty pleasure', just because I am not used to it. I know we all need our alone times and in the last ten yrs my alone time has been strictly my work time, which really is not 'alone time', nor 'me time', but I classified it as such. My 'me time' consists of thus far, my class/support group time, my drum circle meetings every other tuesday night. I am interested in taking a "medical assistance program" class this Fall sometime. For me to understand healing & to help heal other people. Even if its only with positive intention.

Am ready to get out in the swing of things relationship wise I think. Not really a 'pressing issue' with me, but rather a "want" of spending time with someone and enjoying times & life in general at this point. If it happens then great :) if not, then thats ok too, and if its just friends then so be it. I'm not about rushing things, but its always nice to share and its been awhile since I felt connected in that way. I've switched up my way of thinking a bit in regards to all of that, but thats for a totally different blog roll *laugh*.

A few things that may seem trivial too you, but things I have recently experienced that made me go 'hmmm cool.' I am tall, but I recently had to slide my seat forward in my vechicle because of the weight loss I have experienced. :) My bras are all on the furthest in points to clasp that they can possibly go, it will mean buying new bras next time I need to adjust. My blue jeans are almost falling off & when I wear them I am constantly tugging them up by the waist because they just don't fit the way they used too. And silly as this sounds it seems to me that hugging my kids means that I can hug them closer than I could before & it feels really good. :) Closer to my heart.

Hope you're all doing well. Peace & love. ^j^

Come Sit with Me Awhile

2009-09-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason I was unable to upload a picture to go with my post today. Oh well. Imagine this: smooth inviting park bench, green rolling grass & beautiful trees heavy with leaves, cobblestone walk, the lap of water as it rushes to shore from the lake, fresh air, and good company. :)

Drink in all my words
let them swim in the ocean that is your mind.
swirling made bright by the glint
of a sunny attitude.
I hope it warms you, brings you peace
gives you comfort in whatever it is you seek.
Giving light is healing, absorb it;
grasp it & always remember to 'pay it forward'.

I am doing well. Still on my pureed diet. I actually had corned beef hash last night. Yum. Melted a little bit of low fat cheese on top & it seemed like heaven. I love corned beef hash. It's simple. The only thing bad about it is that it is high in sodium, but I haven't deviated so much that I cannot have it. In fact, my dietician said "you need stuff like, it's not bad, other than the sodium & it has protein". I did buy & try the low fat puddings in chocolate & vanilla, mostly so that if I was running low on protein for the day I could put a scoop of my whey protein in & mix & go. How does that work for me?? Well, honestly I can say that the pudding tastes great to begin with, but by the time I am half way thru the small serving cup, its so sweet that I have to force myself to eat it because I just mixed in my protein. Silly huh? I wasn't ever a huge sweet eater before, but this kinda has me pleasantly puzzled. :) I'm glad though, I know I probably won't have cravings of any sort for awhile. It's the smells of food that get me most, not that when I smell it I want any, but mmmmmmm, the funniest thing I have heard & used myself recently, is the words 'food porn'. Looks good, smells good, but can't have any. *laugh* And thats alright because I am succeeding. I have taken a liking to the baby foods, sweet potatoes & squash. And I have found that the chicken veggie mix is not so bad if mixed with either. I can have whole grain toast, but my toaster decided to quite working on me (go figure), so it's off to the store today to buy a new one. Ahhh the joy.

Went to the park to hang out with a bariatric buddy & talk weight loss yesterday while his daughter played. It's kind of odd, but I guess it's also normal, but yesterday I felt a tad bit down, only because I felt like this weight loss thing wasn't happening as fast as I want it too. But I know thats unrealistic because I am doing great & it took me a long time to put the weight on, and also I can't see the results or see me the way everyone else does. Just needed the 'pick me up' I get when I can talk to someone who has or is going thru the same things. The sun was nice in the late afternoon, but I was thankful for my hoodie I wore as well. It started to get cool & I am finding that I get colder a lot more easily then before...I always did before because of the problems I have had with my thyroid, but its even more so now. **Laugh** A good friend of mine let's call him the 'dreamy voice guy' said to me the other day "it's because you're losing all your insulation". **I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair!!!!! He thought he offended me, not in the least! :) So I just know I need to carry a hoodie or a sweater with me at all times. Fall is my favorite time of the year too, so I am sad to see summer coming to and end, but I love the look, the smells, the changes that take place in the Fall. It's a time to be able to snuggle in closer to those you love and are close too and embrace all the beauty that is life. Maybe I'll be able to find that person that wants to snuggle in close as well :)

My support group/class is thursday. Have labs taken & I am hopeing that they tell me before I leave whether or not I am doing ok water intake wise. I know I need to increase, and they did share that it would be difficult in the beginning, but I am curious as to how I am doing. I'm not getting 64 fluid oz yet, maybe pushing 40. I am looking forward to seeing how everyone else is doing as well. And I get to see the medical Dr this time for a quick evaluation. This wk with the dietician she will give us the next level we can go too, which I believe will be regular foods, chewed thoroughly & just making sure that they are lowfat & sugar free for the most part. Should be interesting. And we also get to find out if can be released into the wonderful world of 'workout'. Whether or not we can start our stretching exercises, besides doing our daily walking. Do I still have pain from time to time? Again, I guess I must be very fortunate, the only slight pain I have have is where my incision sites are at. The one thats just above where my jeans ride, seems to be the one that gets irritated the most, but I look at that as where it sits. I haven't had a lot of gas, or probelms with that, nor have I vomited or even gagged. I think, again, because I am conscientious of how much I am taking in. My appetite is not what it used too be. I have to remember to eat because I haven't gotten real hunger pangs yet. Thats typical they say.

Today is another relaxing day. I am going to get thru a few more boxes of things we just don't use/need & maybe even get them loaded somehow in my van for Salvation Army. And maybe take a nap this afternoon with the window open over my bed in the afternoon sun. :) I don't take naps often but I think I need to do this for me. Helps me to awaken with refreshed eyes & heart.

PEACE.

Labor Day Weekend

2009-09-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

Weekends almost over. Today is the celebrated Labor Day Holiday. Last BIG tourist weekend of Michigan, so then the kids get to start school tomorrow. WOOHOO! Kids & I are spending today cleaning, then off to Papa & Nana's for a quick visit. We spent the past few days cleaning, sorting through clothes and getting rid of what we don't use, can't wear, etc. Kind of a 'end of summer' Spring cleaning, lol. It's felt pretty cathartic too.

We spent yesterday with family. It seemed nice to spend time with since we don't always get the chance to do that. Picked my brother and one of his boys up & met up at my sisters house to grill out and enjoy the beautiful afternoon. She lives out in the country on a rolling hill surrounded by forests & fields, gorgeous. Grilled homemade venison brats. They smelled soooo good. My sis had also made a chicken tofu salad that smelled delicious, but of course, I couldn't have any of it. When we all sat down, my plate consisted of baby squash & chicken noodle stuff out of a baby food jar. Yeah, it may sound gross, but it was actually not that bad. I drank a few protein shakes yesterday so that I could get my protein in. Gonna have to remember to buy a pill holder and put some extra multi vitamins in so that when I go out and about I can still take them where ever I am. Left from there with a friend & the kids to go into Belding for fireworks. Dayum was it cold. Glad I carry a blanket & my fold up chairs in the back, cuz we sure needed them last night. Kids and I didn't get home til midnight or after, since fireworks were about an hr or more away. Drive back was very quiet for me, lol.

Looking forward to class/support group this coming thursday. Curious to see how much more I have lost. I have not purchased a set of scales yet for my home. I'm afraid too, lol. Although I can see my success in my clothes now. Almost bought some new stuff this wkend, but I couldn't do it, because I want to lose more before I go doing any of that. I do plan on buying a bike sometime soon, & I plan on buying the kit that makes the bike stationary inside during those rainy or winter cold days you just can't ride outside. Need to get some walking in today before we get back started on house cleaning, hope you're all having a great weekend!! PEACE.

My Pouch Hates Me

2009-09-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was quite the adventure. I pureed tuna fish with a little lite mayo & skim milk, and had that on saltine crackers. Ugh. It did not sit well and made me miserable!! I think I had 6 small squares all day and in between I did have a 3oz shake with protein added. I felt bloated & I had discomfort in between my shoulder blades. Weird feeling. And I'm not sure yet, but maybe it was the feeling of being stuck in my pouch??

I had no real pain, just very uncomfortable. Then last night late I realized I hadn't taken my antacid tablet at all...DUH..how could I forget that. That added to the whole thing. So I took it & within 45 min I started to feel a little better. But I went to bed feeling pouch heavy.

Today I went back to my magic elixir.

I didn't want to chance it & I may try later to get something else in pureed wise. I said I wasn't going to, but I think I might go get a few jars of baby food veggies and what not. Doing that myself would waste a lot of food. So plan B..baby food, later. I just don't want that feeling again.

I did remember to take my antacid already today and I have had 2 multi vitamins thus far, with two more to go before the day is out.

Kids and I have been cleaning. It'll be so nice to cuddle into bed tonight with fresh bedding and pj's. Think we may go for a walk this evening as it is totally gorgeous out today!! We have pretty full days the next 2 days planned. Visiting family both days, both destinations, one an hour away, the other half hr. But it will be good too see my brother & his kids since I haven't since early summer. And on Monday, maybe the kids will get to use the pool at Papa & Nana's the last time before the seasons out, who knows. Michigan...

Melting with effort...

2009-09-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

Had class/support group tonight in East Lansing. Was pretty cool. I was so tired by the time I got there, but everyone was "Wow, you look great!!" that that made up for the fact that I just wanted to crawl back to one of the patient rooms & fall asleep. No rest for the weary today. I could have found the time, but I went to the 'Connections' group in Mt Peezy before I had to be to class in Lansing.

I have lost a total of 16lbs since surgery according to my weigh in today. I asked the nurse "ok, is that healthy in one wk?" she responded with "J thats great!! You're doing wonderfully & everyone is different, they lose at different rates." Ok, I'll take that. I had labs drawn and tried to drink 3 ounces of my 'magic elixir' during class. Met with th dietician & I have graduated to pureed food as of tomorrow. What does that mean?? Texture, variety & one wk of baby like consistancy. That might not sound appealing too you, but my "pouch" (definition of stomach for a post wls patient) is the size of an egg, it can only hold 2 ounces at a time. Amazing huh? And I still have to try and get my 72 grams of protein in a day. I've researched it enough that I don't think it will be that hard to do as long as I'm keeping track of what I eat & whats in it. Plus I have the powder protein to scoop in if I have too. Feel like I am melting, but obviously with effort, otherwise I wouldn't be seeing the results I am. Stopped by my office today to pick up my paycheck & everyone there was like "wow you're melting!! we won't know you when you get back in 2 1/2 weeks!!" I said "yes you will, I'll be the one asking to borrow safety pins to keep my clothes on!!" :)

So now I can have things like low fat cottage cheese on a saltine cracker or small square of toast. I can take tuna or salmon & pure' that & put it on the same & add a little low fat/lite mayo so that its not so dry. I can pure' a banana :) Woohoo!! And theres just all kinds of stuff soft the I can have. I have to make sure I eat 6 somethings small everyday & make sure that I am getting the protein. They said some people are able to eat a 1/2 cup of food by the end of the week & I'm thinking "For real??" Cuz I'm having issues drinking 3 ounces of magic elixir 3-4 times a day, when I am supposed to have it 6 times a day. Thank goodness for adult chewable multi-vitamins!

Have been walking more. :) It's great. They gave us free pedometers in class. I had one already but this one is really nice, think I'll be wearing it more than my old one. They want us walking at least a mile to three miles a day. Gradually working into that of course. It'll be interesting to see just what I do before I actually go out for the walk, to see what I do on a daily basis. My right foot has given me problems today (hurt it in an accident about 17 yrs ago & it flares up from time to time) I think it's just because I was so busy & didn't rest much.

Am resting tomorrow while the kids are cleaning & then in daycare for awhile to give me a break. Maybe lounge around and read my book (currently reading: 'The Doctors Wife' Elizabeth Brundage) and also watch a couple movies that I rented..girly stuff & then history stuff.

Gratitude is in the Attitude

2009-09-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunites into blessings." Wm Arthur Ward.

Those are not my words, but I think how they fit in relation to my world, they speak volumns!

Here, one week post op for my RNY surgery. Wow. It's been a week?? I'm doing well. :) I can say that I was NOT nervous going into this, which I thought was a little odd, but I believe when it came time my faith & the good vibes sent by many friends/family all worked in my favor & for that I am thankful!

I was in surgery a total of 2 1/2 hrs. Came out and was in recovery for another 2 hrs then whisked to my room. When I first awoke in recovery I was aware that my deceased father was with me & that he had been there with me the whole time. I was in a lot of pain the first 2 days out. I even wondered too myself "What have you done? I can't believe you did this too yourself." They had me up and walking the same night after surgery. I didn't go far, but I knew I had to be mobil so I did it. The nurses, and patient care techs were all great. Thank God for anti nausea medicine & the pain med, although both made me very sleepy. My 'adopted' dad Mike stayed with me before and after & left around 5pm so he could go get my kids from daycare and take them back to his place to stay, where when I got discharged I also went to stay. Thank GOD for them. I have been blessed in so many ways.
I have 5 incision sites on my belly. If I look at it, they are placed in the 6 o'clock, the 9 o'clock, the 11 o'clock, and the 3 o'clock position, with one on my right side where there was a "Johnson Pratt" or "JP" drain tube, for any signs of blood loss, or infection. I can say that when I do experience pain its only from these healing incision sites. Small price to pay for the wonderful results I am seeing. Now, I CAN finally see the progress I have made. My follow up appt with the surgeon was yesterday (tues) and I weighed in at 13lbs less than I did the day of surgery!! Wow?? Really?? I said. Well they did remove a lot of my stomach. The nurse looks at me and says "your stomach did not weigh that much!! Maybe ounces, be proud, your doing great!"
So my pants are fitting differently, some of my tops seem a lil too big. My bras....well, I have had to cinch them in twice already, but the cup size still remains. :)
So my total weigh loss thus far is 33lbs!! I would never have been able to do this on my own, let alone in the 5 wks it has taken place. Obviously under medical care. I wouldn't recommend losing that much in that time under any other circumstances!!
I have noticed I seem to have more energy as the days progress. Think I overdid it a bit yesterday with all the running ie: Dr appt (my adopted dad Mike took me & the kids), then back home finally to our house, and to my oldest sons school open house to meet his teacher (we walked the block to the school) and then I ended up going to drum circle last night with my friend Bonnie and it was a good relaxing time. Still in need of a hand drum, but used my maracas and it was nice. Then of course I stayed up a lil late last night here online catching up with friends, and trying to draft something for this blog, and putting things away in the house.) Lets say that when it was 1am and I was putting laundry in the dryer, my eyes were barely awake & I welcomed sleep when my head hit the pillow. Not sure I even remember that part because it felt so nice to be home in my own bed after sleeping in a recliner since Friday night. (recommended by surgeon since it doesn't require much 'getting up and out of' and allows the belly to heal better).
I get to go to 'post-op' support group and class this thursday, which I am excited for. AND I get to drive myself. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and hearing their stories, sharing mine & being a part of that. I meet with the Dr & dietician there so that I can move forward from this 'liquid diet'. I had sugar free jello & sugar free applesauce in the hospital. Wow, welcome back texture!! :) I have been able to have a tsp at time those two things, and Sunday when the fam had a huge dinner in celebration of my 'adopted' brothers birthday, I got to have a tsp of mashed potatoes which let me tell you, was heaven!! Then the past two days I have only had my optifast drinks, water, & a few times sugar free applesauce. When it came time for the cake & ice cream I crept into the livingrm into a recliner & started to read my book & fell asleep. Life is good.

2009-08-29T07:47:00.000-07:00

Only here for just a moment to let you all know my surgery went well. Its been a little rough around the edges. I get queasy easily, & I have pain from time to time, but I know 'this to shall pass'. I'll fill you in a bit more when I get the chance to. Staying w/ my family in Carson. Having my oldests sons birthday party today. Thank to all those who have sent me well wishes & kept in contact, I really appreciate the thoughtfulness. God Bless! ^j^

A bit of Serendipity

2009-08-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

Definition of Serendipity: 1. An aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident. 2. good fortune; luck.

Loved the movie too!! (one of my favs!) So thats kinda how I feel about this weight loss & a few other things going on in my life. Fortunate. Blessed. I won't elaborate but I have met some pretty amazing people in the past few months. Thru my weight loss journey, my classes / drum circle, and on a personal level.

Some of you ask me questions, so I want to clarify a few that I get asked the most.

"You'll be able to eat regular food after the surgery right?"

No. For a week after surgery I will be on a liquid diet..aka :*Magic Elixir*:

Then I get to graduate to soft foods like low fat cottage cheese, no sugar apple sauce, mashed potatoes, etc. Now I have heard that some people at that stage decided to eat baby food. YUCK! Thats out of the question! Then on to pureed foods, then I can have smaller portions of regular kinds of food, minus all the sugars & preferably low fat. AND I have to add to some of my food, powdered proteins to help me get in 72g of protein per day. I will not be able to swallow a bite larger than a candy M&M. Why? You ask. Because my stomach will be about the size of an egg after surgery & if I put anything in it bigger than it can hold, guess what happens????? Yeah I don't like up chucking for sure! Or it will stay there & feel like someone has just kicked you in the stomach & you feel all crampy & miserable. Ugh. I also need to remember to 'sip' whatever it is I am drinking because the same thing will happen. What happens when you take a pitcher of water & start pouring it too fast into a funnel? Yeah..imagine that.

"You'll still be able to eat cake & ice cream, right?" (bless my kids for asking :)

No. Too much sugar!!! It would make my tummy upset & mom not feel so great. BUT..I am gathering recipes for cakes & ice creams I can make at home to eat. So maybe eventually. And this coming wkend when I am home guess what we're doing?? Having a birthday party for my oldest son!! Oh well.. I hear that the first week or two your home after surgery you don't feel like eating much of anything. I already notice the difference in my chocolate magic elixir & my vanilla magic elixir....the taste of the vanilla is pretty sweet & I have tapered off drinking that flavor because of that reason. I think thats a step in the right direction!!! :)

"You'll be laid up for quite sometime after surgery, right?"

Ummmm...nope, don't plan to be. I was up walking the day after having my last son via emergency c-section/& emergency bowel repair (which only happened because they had to get him out so quickly) with a sterile drain filter attached to my abdomen. The Dr's then were amazed that I was up & walking, well when you have a lil guy whose a miracle & your a few floors apart...as a mom you will do anything to get to be near your child!! ;) The power of positive & healing thinking!! In fact, in class the other night, the nurse stated that we will be required just after surgery walk to our bed from the OR bed we are taken into the room with. Now that could be a bit painful, but I doubt it will be. And the only thing I will be is groggy from anesthesia. So...I'm going to do my best & get moving as soon as I can!

"Are you getting nervous?"

Well anxious would be more the word. If I think about it too much. And I guess I'm just so ready to start this phase of my life & see what unfolds from there. Am I nervous that I'm embarking on this journey alone? Hmmm.. yes in some ways. I guess I feel like I'm a pretty strong person & I don't feel totally alone. I have and plan on continuing with support group. I am surrounded by supportive people both at work, friends, family etc. My two oldest children are excited for me. My lil guy well he's too little to understand in totality whats going to be taking place over this period of time.

"What do you do on your lunch at work, or what do you do when the kids are eating?"

I walk, when I'm at work. Walk. Walk. Walk.

When I'm at home with the kids I usually sit & have one of my drinks while they eat, so that I'm still there sitting with them. OR, I might be doing dishes or picking up around the house but still be conversing with them. Would I like a bite of their mac & cheese?? LOL. You try going without regular food for almost 4 wks and figure that one out for yourself!!!! ;)

And no offense to the people I work with, but I am really looking forward to being away from the office for awhile. I can focus my energies on other important things in my life!! :)

Did you notice the flower ;)

2009-08-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterdays blog lacked a little. Sorry. My mind was elsewhere, I think it was somewhere between the low fat, super easy healthy "Philly Cheese Steak Cassarole" recipe I came across in my ventures of finding healthy things to make after I have the wls, and the recipe/health tips folder I am putting together for myself for quick reference, and tending to my 3 children! Yum & whew! Yeah this whole 'magic elixir' thing...wow. Getting rough. BUT...I'm dedicated because you know what??? The scales do not lie!! ;) I'm down 22lbs, and another 5 days including today to go before I have the surgery.

So...the signing of the final paperwork yesterday, yeah that was glorious!! Good thing I've had 3 c-sections & a few other minor surgeries enough to know that they basically say "if we cut you you could die". Blah!!!! I'll admit, reading through the entire thing almost made me nauseaous, but thankfully I've got experience under my belt & FAITH!! I got to talk to the director of the Weight Management Center, Patrick yesterday. That was pretty cool & he informed me that he would like my help in facilitating him in getting a support group going at the hospital where I work!! Yay! He said "It wouldn't be just for 'our' patients benefit but for anyone in or around the area who has had or is planning on having the surgery & even their families." Cool huh? I'm stoked.

Well my street is tore up totally. Ugh. I don't mind the walking a block to get to my vechicle part, but its the fact that I'm used to it being parked right outside the garage. NOT down the street, out of sight, in a dark parking area. Yeah..totally not cool. It should be fun the day I come home from surgery! :(

I bought the whey protein that the dietician told class to make sure and buy for our meals after surgery. HUGE bottle. Got it on sale at Walmart for $14.95, the container is industrial size like when you buy bulk salad dressing, at least thats all I can think of off the top of my head at the moment. Lets hope it lasts awhile, cuz it could get awfully expensive. I have to buy my chewable vitamins yet, and I have a grocery list started and have bought a few items low fat & lean & sugar free. A whole new way of buying. Will I still let my kids have regular good ole food...yeah, from time to time I guess. But you'd be amazed with the recipes & tastes you get from cooking & preparing things more healthy. Who woulda ever thought?? Makes me think twice about ever driving thru a drive thru for food again, yeah its great in a pinch, but not so great on your waistline. Some people don't have to worry about that & thats great!! I'm just not one of those people & I don't want my kids going down the same path I did if genetics has anything to do with it!!! Yeah I had my thyroid aka. natural metabolism maker removed...but I wasn't provided with, nor did I educate myself enough about what that could mean down the road. An extra thigh & leg later..... HA! HA! ;)

I have 4 sisters who I stay in regular contact with. I love them!!!! :) I'm so blessed that they are supportive, despite the fact that they all were graced with lovely little bodies & petite features. Well, maybe they did end up with moms butt a little bit (please don't hit me the next time you see me!) but hey...we all have to have some traits right? I ended up big & tall like my dad.

I recieved a call from the wls clinic today while I was at work. They told me my labs yesterday say that I'm dehydrated. Dehydrated?? Really?? Omg, I feel like I am floating everywhere & I'm in the bathroom constantly! They told me to up my water intake from the 60-64 fluid ounces I'm doing now to 80-90!! FOR REAL?!? Is that healthy?? I guess it is when your dehydrated & they want me well hydrated before surgery....so lets just say "HOPE FLOATS!!!" (isn't that a movie or something? I'm sure it is...)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!! I'll be working and maybe even blogging! PEACE.

Last Class/Support Group was tonight...

2009-08-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

My last bariatric class/support group was tonight for before my surgery. The next one will be in 2 wks & that one will begin my post op support group/class. It was a good class & one of the guys in class is having surgery the same day I am, just after me. We are the first 2 patients of Dr's that day. Class was good. Learned about what was going to be happening in the hospital, the things we can expect & what we should bring..etc.

I had preop today as well with Dr Y. That went well & pretty quick because I had had my chest xray done & labs were current.

I spent the hours between my appts browsing the bookstore & I bought a Rachael Ray Cookbook on sale. A world Atlas book for my oldest son (and me too, when we want to discover). And I picked up 2 Sylvia Browne books they were all on sale..can't beat that. Then I went to another interesting store, Coyote Wisdom. An alternative spiritualism/healing/book/trinket store. Very cool. I also bought a CD, stones, & an Angel book.

Thought we might get some nasty storms the way the skies looked & opened up at one point. It just kinda a blew over..I wouldn't have minded the rain, but I didn't want it to get bad stormy out like they were predicting.

Well, I just want to say thanks for all the encouragement & well wishes from everyone!! Less then a wk before surgery. I had to sign the final surgery commitment papers today...sheesh. That was fun..reading all about the risks etc...BUT..I know everything will be fine. ^i^

2009-08-18T22:24:00.000-07:00

Some of you may ask, "Whats with the title to your blog J?" Well, its simple really. "Phat" is that funny little slang word that I substitute for 'Fat', although it means both. "Phat" means, cool, excellent, attractive, very good. "Perdure" is a word I like. It means existance. And in general isn't life grand??? :) I think so! AKA..My Phat Existance!

Today was a pretty typical domesticated summer day. Although I was awakened by the rumbling of large trucks and equipment as the road crews decided to start ripping up our street this morning at 7am. WHAT? You have got to be kidding me..grrr..it should be outlawed I say!!
So starting tomorrow afternoon, everyone on our block/ either side has to start parking around the corner on a side street or a block away at the elementary school parking lot. Fun. What if I accidently leave something in my vechicle & remember it later, like usual?? You can bet I'll be thrice checking to make sure we ALL have everything once exiting said transportation.

Doing well with my magic elixir (I decided that that sounded much more appealing & a little more mysterious than simply 'liquid diet'). Either way it makes people ask questions! I did get my 64 ounces of water in today. Whew. Here, let me move around a little, can you hear it? :)

My family Dr ran labs on me yesterday when I went to see him. My phosphate levels came back elevated again, so now tomorrow whilst I work I get the pleasure of having a liver/gallbladder (even though my gallbladder is non-existant due to prior surgery) ultrasound. Just to see what might be causing it. He said maybe they left behind the bile duct & if so I might have a stone creating the increase in phosphate. If not, then on to the liver. Interesting.

I missed drum circle tonight. :( I was really looking forward to it, and I was even called to ask if everything was ok & where was I? It made me feel good to know I was missed. I so needed the meditation before surgery this next week. I am, however, looking forward to my support group/wls class this thursday. (wls=weight loss surgery) ;)

Off to finish laundry then to bed! Goodnight! ^i^

Foot note: ^i^ & ^j^ are Angel symbols!!

Quick Note

2009-08-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Be the change you want to see in the world." Mahatma Ghandi

Dr appt today w/ family Dr. So that we are all on the same page w/ everything. :)

Ever Notice?

2009-08-16T15:57:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how much advertising in food & drink is pushed at us?? It's totally riducules!! Try fasting for 12 hrs & watching tv or listening to the radio, or even reading a magazine, it's there, all over every other page, or every other commercial.

Day 17 here on optifast. Yesterday was a good day, spent it walking at the Mint Festival & had 2 walk briskly past the 'kettle corn' stand. We didn't even pass thru the food vendors section (which secretly I was greatful for, becuz summertime is just not summer w/out a brat & onions/green peppers.) Instead the fam opted for Burger King, where once seated I popped out my magic elixir in the flavor of chocolate & shook it up & drank it. I wasn't phased by the burgers or fries, or the sip sip of soda being sucked from an almost empty cup. Annoying as it sounded. Got home w/ the kids and we took a long walk around the city. I felt great.

Today there was a sushi issue. Ugh. I love sushi. It was there, I eyed it. I walked away. Raw fish & rice, what could it hurt right? It stayed there for someone else to buy. Sushi is sushi...whenever I've had it, it's nice to have a few times a year, but its an aquired taste & even liking it I wouldn't want it all the time or more than a few times every few months. I like cooked oysters on the half shell, but feel the same way about that.

Had my spiritualism class today. Well it wasn't 'class-class'. There were only 4 of us who met, but we all agreed that we need to keep some sort of connection going instead of going so long inbetween classes. So we took it off the cuff. It was nice. We had a drum meditation, which was interesting & relaxing at the same time. Afterwards I went over by the casino to see if the Zibiwing Center/Museum was open, of course, my luck, it wasn't. Just wanted to browse a bit & maybe see if they had any hand drums for sale in the gift shop. It rained on my way home. Hard fast cleansing rain. Then it rolled on past & the hot muggy air resumed. Got back to the fams house to pick up the kids & they were eating pizza. Nice. I was starving. I drank my water & read a magazine. Yeah...there they were, all the food adds, or drink this, taste that! After awhile did you know when you deprive yourself of certain things, they don't even appeal to you? Not everything of course. And I guess it's prolly different for everyone. But I thought I would struggle w/ not having Mt Dew. No craving. None whatsoever. Weird huh?

I have a week and a half til my surgery. I'm anxious. I want everything to go smoothly & the transition after to go smoothly as well. My preop appt is this coming thursday & after is support group/class. I haven't quite got my support people in place or figured out how things will work after, but I have faith it will work out. I hate having to rely on others to help out in any way. But I know that we all NEED people at different times, I'm just so used to helping others that it's hard for me to accept help when I truly am in need. Go figure.

Sunny Day

2009-08-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

My life is normal, but extraordinary. Normal in that I face all the responsibilties/challenges that any person does. Being a single parent makes it more of a juggling act for me but I rise to the occasion. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. Extraordinary in that I am blessed to have the opportunity & the drive to change what it is I want to change. We all have that, its just some of us are able to see open doors where one was closed. I'm not gilded in glitter with a wand in my hand, in fact, I think I'm pretty grounded. I like my jeans, t-shirts & flip flops & to sit & watch re-runs of "Everybody Loves Raymond".

Today was spent relaxing, enjoying life, the sun, the shade, my kids' laughter & reading a good book. It was spent mostly between home & one of the city parks by the river.

Had a great class/support group last night at the weight management center. I so needed it & the sharing of stories & the learning. I weighed in & lost another 7.5 lbs, so I'm down 17lbs in 2 wks on the liquid diet. Hooray!! Last nights topic we discussed stress management. We all participated of course! And there was a lot of laughter. We all agreed that for those of us starting our 3rd wk in, tree bark sounded pretty darn good! LOL. I also know a few people personally who have already had the surgery & confide in them about things & ask questions. Being pro-active in learning about all facets of this journey & it helps to know others' stories.

I'm excited in the people I meet in class & support group. I'm excited about new friendships & possiblities. I'm thankful for all the people in my life who are supportive. If you're reading this, then you already know.

No Food, No Caffeine

2009-08-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

Today is day 13 of my optifast liquid diet that I will be on til surgery on Aug 26th. I'm staying motivated and sticking to what I'm supposed to be doing. Don't let anyone believe that this is an 'easy way out' of weight loss, becuz it's not easy!

Being a single parent & cooking food for 3 children & only being able to drink your dinner is something I never thought I might struggle with. It's not so bad, but all those smells is what gets me the most! I lost 9.5 lbs the first 7 days I was on. I can't wait for support group/class tomorrow becuz I really need the 'pick me up'. I'm not 'down', but I need to be around people who are going thru the same things, or went thru the same things. I've been feeling pretty good, noticed I have a bit more energy. I just finished a full stretch of 7 days straight at work 10 1/2 hr days, not including the 1/2 hr trip there & back, so I'm soooo tired tonight.

Going to curl up with my body pillow with the fan on & hopefully dream sweet dreams. Night Night.

Momma Always Said " You get more outta life with sugar than you do vinegar". Well for the most part she was right.

2009-08-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

So here it is. THE BLOG. I wanted to start one when I started this journey, only life has a way of getting busy. It will be dedicated mostly to the path of weight loss I am on. The up's, the down's & all the inbetweens.At the age of 28 I became sick. I was tired all the time and I've always been on the 'thick' side of feminine, but I gradually started to put on weight that would fluctuate like a corporate grid map of production. Up...down...up..down. Mostly UP. I also started to have this swallowing problem. I went to my Dr. He felt a lump. He ordered some tests. Next was supposed to come a biopsy, "I'll see you in about an hr in recovery" the Dr said at 10am. I remember waking up & focusing on the clock & it was past 8pm & the nurses whisking me to my room where my bf and 2 of my sisters awaited looking worried. The Dr came in & said "Surgery took longer than expected, we ended up taking your thyroid completely out, along with 3 parathyroids & 2 lymph nodes. In all my yrs of surgery I can honestly say, that even though the samples have been sent to the pathologist J that this is cancer. And the swallowing thing, that was a goiter growing inside & down, I removed that too. You'll find out the details in your post op visit with my office." He said all this as he adjusted my bandages & tucked my hair behind me & made me more comfortable. It didn't sink in just then...but it did at the follow up.

Diagnosis: Papillary Carcinoma

.Prognosis: Good. If you ever get cancer, this would be the kind to get. The chances of re-occurance are slim to none. YAY!

Current Condition: Cancer Free!! Yippeeeee!! Have never had a re-occurance. My replacement thyroid med loves to replicate a roller coaster sometimes, but I've learned to live with it! You get busy living or you get busy dying & I'm a long way from crossing over!

What I took away from my diagnosis was: Knowledge. Choose to learn, & look up. ^j^

Therein began another struggle with weight gain & loss. I would yo-yo. Twenty pounds added, 15 off, forty pounds on, twenty off. UGH. Who wants to feel that way all the time??

Well, that has been me. Then came the pregnancies. LOVED being preggers!!! But after each child was born weight would slowly creep on. Depression here & there didn't help matters.
I checked into weight loss groups, didn't do well. My schedule was crazy & I wasn't ready to commit. My insurance at the time needed so much documentation of verified weight loss programs/treatments from my Dr, that it looked bleak.

Until this Spring. I really thought about it, researched it, read books & blogs, talked with people who have had it done, seen patients who have done well & others whom have failed. I watched tv programs about it & saw many before & after pictures. BUT, the difference was..I was ready to make that decision. I WANTED it for my kids, for my health, for ME. This wasn't something I wanted because I wanted to look like a Glamour Magazine cover page, this was something I wanted so that I can be a better ME, so that I can pass on healthier eating & living choices for my kids & be able to share successes with those around me. EMPOWERING MYSELF.
My insurance had changed its policies on obesity services/treatments, so I dove in, & found what I considered & consider a great weight loss program with team of amazing physicians, dieticians, staff members, surgeon, classes/support groups & all the people being pro-active in their dreams to achieve what they would have thought unachievable. And I'm starting a new chapter in my life & lovin it!

Like I told a friend of mine, this has just been my catapillar/larva stage, I'm gettin ready to cocoon & soon I'll be a butterfly! My feelings about all of it make me feel so light & knowing I'm doing the 'right thing' makes me giddy with excitement!