Sugiversary

Here is a pic of me in May of last yr the day I met with the Dr's & nurses at the Sparrow Weight Loss Management Center/ Sparrow Bariatric Specialists. I weighed in at 343lbs on that date. My 1 yr sugiversary was August 26, 2010! I can tell you that it was the best decision I made for my life. I have learned so much about ME and about LIFE and about many other things. I have experienced so many positive things in regards to my weight loss. Ie: the weight loss itself, my self worth & importance, the need to stay healthy & what I need to do to maintain that thought pattern & that lifestyle.
I look at this picture & realize, not fully, how far I have come, because I still see myself as this picture portrays. I am conscious of the 'space' around me, I know I am not this large anymore, but 'inside' I'm still that girl. Is that bad? Well, I do not look at myself 'negatively'. I think I am better than I used to be ;). I am told all the time I look great & that I am beautiful. I do feel beautiful most times, but I have that 'big girl' mentality sometimes. It helps me sometimes as I think I am more sensitive to others in knowing what they may be experiencing & going thru. I can sympathize. I think it also helps that in all of this, I never gave up hope & I do not give up hope in achieving where I'd like to be. I am told I look great where I am at, at this point & I am happier than I have ever been.
It's been a scattered day today, and I feel like my thoughts are being carried away from me. Sorry if this seems to be that way. But I promise I will be back soon & much more organized in thought!
Hope you all have a great Labor Day wkend! Blessings!!

Food on my Mind

Why is that? Why is it that food is a constant on my mind? Not in a bad way, of course. Mostly good these days. As in: whats gonna be for supper mom? or what are your plans for lunch? Do we have anything good for snacks? What if Bobbys sugar goes, do we have something for the highs & the lows?

Sometimes I am irritated about how much we actually have pay attention to the food in our daily lives. Funny huh? I mean, I love food just like the next person, but sometimes I feel like it hits every area of my life.

Ie: Now that I am almost a year post surgery I see people who eat unhealthy & live an unhealthy lifestyle & I want to reach out & promote or help educate or just tell them, "it could be better, YOU could be better." BUT I can also see it from another viewpoint "Who the hell are you to tell me or try & tell me what I should do or what I should SEE as a better way of life!" Cause you know what? I was there once. I was. And I remember a time when I felt like the only thing that would ever be there for me was FOOD. I think we shall always have a love/hate relationship. This on the heels of putting together my wedding reception dinner menu & CAKE!!

I will be baking the next few days, making cup cakes & trying to perfect the art of the lovely cupcake towers that seem to be very popluar right now with receptions & parties in general. I've got a couple fab recipes I copied from a friend so I'm going to try them out!! Should be fun!

Anyways, keeping this short & sweet ;).

Until next time ...

Blessings!!!! ^j^

Addicted? Or stressed?

Ok so let me begin this sinful confession by stating, yes I have been naughty and eating Raisinets. I love them. I hate that I love them. I re-introduced them back into my life a few weeks ago & now I find myself eating them once every few days or so. They do make me feel "blah" after I have eaten them & they make me terribly thirsty. But the taste is soo sinful I haven't been able to resist. Hopefully this is a passing phase & all will right itself in my diet world once again.

I do have to say I had hit a plateau where I didn't lose much of any in the last month or so & it seems to have broken the pattern by allowing me to lose 3 lbs in 3 days. WooHoo!! I was beginning to get worried. I have worn skimpier things in the past few weeks due to the humid/hot weather we have experienced. Skimpier than I am used to that is. Not tacky, but not too covered up like I used to before. I went swimming with the kids yesterday at the lake & got out there in my tank top & jean cut offs. WOW. I loved it!! I couldn't believe how much I had missed just the simple task of swimming. Thats what a low self esteem does, thats what weighing 147lbs more does to your ego.

Life has a funny way of throwing you small obstacles, or little reminders that you're not 'in charge' of everything in your life, nor do we truly know anyone really personally. I'm thinking thats where my rasinet addiction is stemming from.

I'm sitting here in my air conditioned office about to freeze my fingers off. It's 80 some degrees outside, think I may have to pop out there for few nminutes just to warm up.

Hope you're all doing well!!!!

We've Set The Date!

Bobby & I have set the date for our wedding!! Saturday September 25, 2010. Need to work on all the fine details, but will keep you posted!! Whew, 76 days from today!! Lots of planning, lots of DIY ideas on a close to no-budget! Angels help me now!!! I'm soooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!

^J^

Today. I am tired. I also feel defeated in some ways in my weight loss. Still holding strong to what my last few weigh ins have been like; by no flucuating leaps of gain or lose. But holding steady. Ugh. I neeeeed to do more physically I guess. Thats what I feel will kick it in full gear. That & drinking more water. I've been terrible about it lately, even with the heat wave that has hit us. I've been so tired too. No energy. :(

But had a great 4th holiday. Got some fishing in. Got some R & R.

^j^

Working overtime today. I guess it's not so bad. I try and out weight the fact that I probably won't be getting offered all these extra hrs when we finally get a full work crew going again. Plus its nice to open that check and find a few extra dollars has made it into my hands. I feel 'good' today. Have this slight sinus thing going of which my fiance' has helped me thru by introducing me to the NeilMed Sinus Rinse. WOW. Yes it does help. I remember Dr Oz recommending it in one of his med conferences.

I feel good in that I have maintained my weight for the past few wks. Haven't lost a lick but am staying steady & I will take that. :) I def know I need to get out and do more physical activity. I want a bike but funds do not allow for that right now. I am going to start meeting up with a good friend of mine whom I know thru my work who also had bariatric surgery a few months ago & we are planning on getting together, if not once but twice on my days off to be walking partners. YAY! I'm so excited! I like it because we can share stories & struggles & swap recipes & talk kids & nutrition & be each others support. SHE , by the way, looks amazing!! I am so proud of her.

I have been on this plateau for about 3 wks now. I know to kick it up I have to switch things up a bit for me. I had introduced a few more carbs back into my life recently & I think I need to cut them back once again & also get on a regular work out schedule. Looking in the mirror I feel great & think I look great BUT we all have our own hang ups, mine would be "Holy Bat Flaps" **laugh** yes I wave Hello & Goodbye at the same time with my upper arms. ;) BUT I can tell you I am in a much better place today about it than I was at my heaviest & I thank GOD for that.

I got to drum circle my last rotation of from work. I sooo needed the great meditation I had & I can't wait til the next go round. I always have some pretty amazing messages come thru or make some sort of connection for others that I get messages for. For instance. I had a deceased mother figure come thru for an ex co-worker of mine. She totally took me by surprise when she popped into my meditation, but she had a specific message for her daughter (ex-coworker) to whom I passed on the message and I love making that 'connection'. I love allowing people to know that once we cross over, its not 'over' for us. I love the sense of ease I see on the peoples faces I pass messages on to. I know what its like because I have been in their shoes many times, and I am always taken aback when I get messages from other gifted people who couldn't be more accurate unless they'd have been my surrogate twin all my life & know whats what in my life. I am also looking forward to 'Connections Circle' this weekend, as I heard that there are more people attending & I am excited to meet more 'like minded' & interesting people.

I have a few projects I am trying to work on, only they have only been in the mentally developed stage for a bit now. Nothing 'truly started' yet. I have worked on my poetry. I have done a few drawings. I WANT to get started on jewelry pieces, but I think thats going to be something in the not-so near future. I am looking forward to the time this Fall when all the kids go back to school, and even though I will be sad at first because my 3 yr old will be starting headstart and going half days, I know I will be able to have that time to accomplish the things I have no or little time for now. ;)

I hope you all have PEACE and a POSITIVE attitude.

Remember that when you're having an off day, (or any time really)you can talk to your Guardian Angels & Spirit Guides. Ask them to surround you, for them to allow everything that happens to happen for the 'greater good', ask them to surround you with the white light of God. For them to help keep you free from any harm, any evil, or any negativity. It does work. All you need to do is ask. :)

In Light & Love

^j^

P.S. I wish you all a wonderful 4th of July holiday!!! (Bobby & I are going fishing. YAY!)

Sleepy, Sizzilin Saturday

So here's a pic of THE MAN. I so love him!! This pic, of course, does neither of us justice but I still love it because I feel the happiness between us eminating from the dreamy looks were both giving the camera.

I'm working in the office today & its been quite challenging to stay awake. Not only because of my toothache med which makes me sleepy, but because I didn't get to sleep til early this morn. Bobby & I watched the movie 2012 late into the morn then he surfed the web on the laptop looking at homes for sale. Yes yes, we are looking to buy & it is a buyers market right now. We meet with a financial advisor this coming week to work out fine details about credit, debt, blah blah & the easiest way to go about getting what we really want. I would love to be able to stay where we are at but neither of us see that happening & besides, it was his & his ex's place before we got together, so maybe its time to create our own space together & instead of being tucked away on a nice city avenue, maybe we can find peace tucked in open spaces surrounded by a green green forest where lightening bugs galore in the lazy summer evenings! :)

The diet is well.......lets say hit a plateau. I have virtually stayed the same weight now for almost a month. Yay and not so yay. I have between 40 & 60 more lbs to lose to reach goal & I just want to see what I can achieve & if I think it's too much weight lost then be able to put a tad back on but also get more toned up in the process. Still not doing anything routine-ish as far as exercise goes. Darn. Where does time go? I know having three living levels in our house has helped out my legs tremendously, via the stair cases and the daily LOADS of laundry that take place when you have 2 adults & 5 children under one roof. Like I said though, I wouldn't change it for the world. I am in HEAVEN. Seriously.

I have cheated a few times. Ugh. I always feel badly when I eat a cookie or take a sliver of cake. Well not only because, yes, the sugar gives me this belly thing that happens for about an hr or so after I eat the treat (gurgle, pop & 'hey whats in here?') but because I know it doesn't aid in the fact I have hit this plateau either. I did grill the best brats for the fam the other night & it was your typical warm summery evening easy-make dinner. Brats, cold baked beans, chips, salad etc. I decided to try a green pepper & onion stuffed brat, not the cheddar brats I also made with them, & it was great at first, but half way thru I started to get the foamies. My nose started to run & I felt VERY nauseous, so I STOPPED. Pushed myself back from the table full of good conversation & smiles (the fam). Bobby looks at me & says 'Babe you ok?' Me: 'No, I think I am going to be sick.' Him: 'Well if you need to leave the table you can you know.' I stood up & did more than leave the table. I needed as far a way from that plate as possible. I went outside off the back porch & around the side of the house where for a minute I was ok, then I gagged. Then my belly hurt so bad that I thought I might die. Then all that passed & I was fine after about a half hr. Ok, so NOW I know I will still cook those lovely brats, BUT I will NOT eat those lovely brats to save my life. Add another food item to the list of 'will not go there'. But you know what? I am totally OK with that. Totally.

Anyways, I hope that you are all doing well & remembering to drink lots of water ;)

In light & love

^j^