Time in a Bottle.

Today is Halloween. Alas I sit here at work as my kids grow older by the minute & I am not with them to share in the frightful festivities of this 'trick or treat' evening. I'm saddened. I'm missing moments & pictures and rustling, crunching of leaves. I'm missing pulling the jacket lapel up over a shoulder to ensure warmth, and hearing the squeals of frightened delight. I'll get out in time to pick them up from Nana & Papa's as their sugar buzzes spin out of control & eventually come crashing in about a half hr after we arrive in the comforts of home.

I'm blessed.

Truly blessed.

But I miss moments. I'm sure you can sympathize.

My weight has teetered stoically the same. I did have another 5lb loss, which I was pleasantly surprised. But I know in my search to lose these last 30 lbs its going to take more than what I have been doing. I'm ready 2 step it up. I'm ready 2 achieve my goal & set new goals in different areas. I've been bad about carbs lately. Grrr....& with the holidays approaching it"s going 2 be tough but I am determined 2 succeed!! And I am also a little more than upset that it can cost so much to remain & maintain a healthy lifestyle. I want my kids to follow a more balanced lifestyle. My 16 yr old said 2 me the other day "Mom I wish I could eat like you." In that he meant as little as I sit & eat at the dinner table with all of them. Yes, my pouch doesn't allow much, but what he doesn't realize is that I eat healthy in several small meals a day, but I MAKE it a point 2 sit down with everyone (this is something my husband & I totally agree on) at dinner, because thats family time. It's when we 'catch up' & 'keep up' on all levels. And I'm glad my parents made it a tradition in my family growing up....dinner was the time for everyone to sit & have a meal & enjoy eachother! As we grew older of course, those days turned into Sundays...everyone makin it back to mom & dads place to 'keep up' & 'catch up'. Writing this makes me miss my mom & dad who both passed 30 days apart of eachother in 2001.

I'm blessed.

Dedicated to mom...my forever best friend.

Dedicated to dad...my poppa who could fix the world.

Hugs~

^J^

Wedded Bliss

Here we are!! Officially Mr & Mrs Wilson! What a wonderfully eventful day it was!!

End of Summer & picnic plans

So summer has officially ended here in Michigan I believe. Once the first week in Sept set comfortably in our warmer temps & humidity took a nose dive & its been cooler ever since. We're talking sweatshirts & jackets & no more wearing the cute cut off jean shorts!! Brrrrr....It's time for wooly socks & snuggling under a nice flannel blanket! The leaves are starting to turn color, but the beautiful greens are hangin on. We've had a few days of rain & cold temps. Loved waking up this morning to hear the rain on the roof & the rolling thunder.

My weight loss is at another stand still. I'm thinking it has much to do with the fact that I have been stressed out about all this planning & coming together of events for my wedding that's taking place this coming weekend! What did this girl used to do when she was stressed? I am sure you can all guess right??? EAT! I am not eating like I used to, but I have noticed I have been making not so good decisions about what I am putting into my body for fuel lately. I've re-introduced potatoe chips & dip back in & I am pretty sure I need to rid myself of them, as I am finding out it makes me crave salt terribly!!! That & I've found I am craving milk?? Whats up with that?? I buy 2% milk for the house for cooking, baking & for the kids to drink, but I find myself wanting to drink at least an 8 ounce glass of it thru out the day. I am able to look at myself in the mirror and physically see where I want to lose the weight that my body is having a hard time getting rid of. Of course it happens to be my middle section. I feel good, I feel like I look ok, but I truly would love to lose another 30lbs to get down to my goal weight. If I find I don't like it there then I could deal with putting a few pounds on, but I just want to reach that goal & be able to say "I did it!!"

I met a gentlemen recently, who happens to be my fiance's Uncle. He went thru bariatric surgery (RNY) 3 yrs ago. Had surgery in Grand Rapids, had a few slight complications after (of course he's in his 60's) but lost a total of 130lbs, and looks great. Says he feels great, was the best decision he made. He has put a total of 30lbs back on since he reached his goal weight, but says he would do it all again & wouldn't change a thing.

I am in the midst of trying to finish up writing my wedding vows. Whew. We had decided we were going to do our own vows of sorts, then since the Man & I hadn't discussed it in quite awhile I figured with everything else going on we would just do tradtional vows & told the minister this...but in convo with the Man the other night he informed me he's been working on his the last 2 weeks!! And when was he going to tell me this? So, although I had thought of a few things before I am now trying to get it all out on paper. You would think being a published poet I wouldn't have a problem right?? Ha!!! Let me see, where could I start? I mean there's so much I could say about the man I am about to marry & commit my life to. Whew is right!! But I know it will all come together, as things seemingly are slipping their way into that mode slowly but surely.

I am so thankful for all I have & the many blessings that continue to appear in life.

I will keep you all posted. I will post pictures of the wedding & all that surrounds that special event!!

^j^

Sugiversary

Here is a pic of me in May of last yr the day I met with the Dr's & nurses at the Sparrow Weight Loss Management Center/ Sparrow Bariatric Specialists. I weighed in at 343lbs on that date. My 1 yr sugiversary was August 26, 2010! I can tell you that it was the best decision I made for my life. I have learned so much about ME and about LIFE and about many other things. I have experienced so many positive things in regards to my weight loss. Ie: the weight loss itself, my self worth & importance, the need to stay healthy & what I need to do to maintain that thought pattern & that lifestyle.
I look at this picture & realize, not fully, how far I have come, because I still see myself as this picture portrays. I am conscious of the 'space' around me, I know I am not this large anymore, but 'inside' I'm still that girl. Is that bad? Well, I do not look at myself 'negatively'. I think I am better than I used to be ;). I am told all the time I look great & that I am beautiful. I do feel beautiful most times, but I have that 'big girl' mentality sometimes. It helps me sometimes as I think I am more sensitive to others in knowing what they may be experiencing & going thru. I can sympathize. I think it also helps that in all of this, I never gave up hope & I do not give up hope in achieving where I'd like to be. I am told I look great where I am at, at this point & I am happier than I have ever been.
It's been a scattered day today, and I feel like my thoughts are being carried away from me. Sorry if this seems to be that way. But I promise I will be back soon & much more organized in thought!
Hope you all have a great Labor Day wkend! Blessings!!

Food on my Mind

Why is that? Why is it that food is a constant on my mind? Not in a bad way, of course. Mostly good these days. As in: whats gonna be for supper mom? or what are your plans for lunch? Do we have anything good for snacks? What if Bobbys sugar goes, do we have something for the highs & the lows?

Sometimes I am irritated about how much we actually have pay attention to the food in our daily lives. Funny huh? I mean, I love food just like the next person, but sometimes I feel like it hits every area of my life.

Ie: Now that I am almost a year post surgery I see people who eat unhealthy & live an unhealthy lifestyle & I want to reach out & promote or help educate or just tell them, "it could be better, YOU could be better." BUT I can also see it from another viewpoint "Who the hell are you to tell me or try & tell me what I should do or what I should SEE as a better way of life!" Cause you know what? I was there once. I was. And I remember a time when I felt like the only thing that would ever be there for me was FOOD. I think we shall always have a love/hate relationship. This on the heels of putting together my wedding reception dinner menu & CAKE!!

I will be baking the next few days, making cup cakes & trying to perfect the art of the lovely cupcake towers that seem to be very popluar right now with receptions & parties in general. I've got a couple fab recipes I copied from a friend so I'm going to try them out!! Should be fun!

Anyways, keeping this short & sweet ;).

Until next time ...

Blessings!!!! ^j^

Addicted? Or stressed?

Ok so let me begin this sinful confession by stating, yes I have been naughty and eating Raisinets. I love them. I hate that I love them. I re-introduced them back into my life a few weeks ago & now I find myself eating them once every few days or so. They do make me feel "blah" after I have eaten them & they make me terribly thirsty. But the taste is soo sinful I haven't been able to resist. Hopefully this is a passing phase & all will right itself in my diet world once again.

I do have to say I had hit a plateau where I didn't lose much of any in the last month or so & it seems to have broken the pattern by allowing me to lose 3 lbs in 3 days. WooHoo!! I was beginning to get worried. I have worn skimpier things in the past few weeks due to the humid/hot weather we have experienced. Skimpier than I am used to that is. Not tacky, but not too covered up like I used to before. I went swimming with the kids yesterday at the lake & got out there in my tank top & jean cut offs. WOW. I loved it!! I couldn't believe how much I had missed just the simple task of swimming. Thats what a low self esteem does, thats what weighing 147lbs more does to your ego.

Life has a funny way of throwing you small obstacles, or little reminders that you're not 'in charge' of everything in your life, nor do we truly know anyone really personally. I'm thinking thats where my rasinet addiction is stemming from.

I'm sitting here in my air conditioned office about to freeze my fingers off. It's 80 some degrees outside, think I may have to pop out there for few nminutes just to warm up.

Hope you're all doing well!!!!

We've Set The Date!

Bobby & I have set the date for our wedding!! Saturday September 25, 2010. Need to work on all the fine details, but will keep you posted!! Whew, 76 days from today!! Lots of planning, lots of DIY ideas on a close to no-budget! Angels help me now!!! I'm soooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!

^J^