Gettin Ready 2 Christmas Shop!

The hubby & I are getting ready to go Christmas shopping, oh my! This should be interesting, my husband loves to shop & I don't like it much! Imagine that?!??? It's not that I don't find it enjoyable sometimes, but usually I have a list & more of an idea rather than vague descriptions. And I don't like massive crowds or rude people. So I ask today that the Angels protect us :)
And that we have no run ins with rude or inconsiderate people. I know thats asking a lot since its so close to the holiday & every shop & store is so busy this time of year. And to think a yr ago I said I would have all my shopping done by opening day of deer season so that I wouldn't have to go thru this! Hmmm....my a class on how to handle procrastination is in order!! Ha!!
My weight loss is doing ok. No losses & no gains to report. This holiday season has found me cheating a bit & for that I feel guilty. I am taking my vitamins as I should & if I feel like I haven't done so well with protein the dietician recommended I drink a lil bit of milk, so I have been.
Well hubby is waiting as I blog to get out there & shop shop shop!
I will blog soon about our adventures!!
Many blessings!

Time in a Bottle.

Today is Halloween. Alas I sit here at work as my kids grow older by the minute & I am not with them to share in the frightful festivities of this 'trick or treat' evening. I'm saddened. I'm missing moments & pictures and rustling, crunching of leaves. I'm missing pulling the jacket lapel up over a shoulder to ensure warmth, and hearing the squeals of frightened delight. I'll get out in time to pick them up from Nana & Papa's as their sugar buzzes spin out of control & eventually come crashing in about a half hr after we arrive in the comforts of home.

I'm blessed.

Truly blessed.

But I miss moments. I'm sure you can sympathize.

My weight has teetered stoically the same. I did have another 5lb loss, which I was pleasantly surprised. But I know in my search to lose these last 30 lbs its going to take more than what I have been doing. I'm ready 2 step it up. I'm ready 2 achieve my goal & set new goals in different areas. I've been bad about carbs lately. Grrr....& with the holidays approaching it"s going 2 be tough but I am determined 2 succeed!! And I am also a little more than upset that it can cost so much to remain & maintain a healthy lifestyle. I want my kids to follow a more balanced lifestyle. My 16 yr old said 2 me the other day "Mom I wish I could eat like you." In that he meant as little as I sit & eat at the dinner table with all of them. Yes, my pouch doesn't allow much, but what he doesn't realize is that I eat healthy in several small meals a day, but I MAKE it a point 2 sit down with everyone (this is something my husband & I totally agree on) at dinner, because thats family time. It's when we 'catch up' & 'keep up' on all levels. And I'm glad my parents made it a tradition in my family growing up....dinner was the time for everyone to sit & have a meal & enjoy eachother! As we grew older of course, those days turned into Sundays...everyone makin it back to mom & dads place to 'keep up' & 'catch up'. Writing this makes me miss my mom & dad who both passed 30 days apart of eachother in 2001.

I'm blessed.

Dedicated to mom...my forever best friend.

Dedicated to dad...my poppa who could fix the world.

Hugs~

^J^

Wedded Bliss

Here we are!! Officially Mr & Mrs Wilson! What a wonderfully eventful day it was!!

End of Summer & picnic plans

So summer has officially ended here in Michigan I believe. Once the first week in Sept set comfortably in our warmer temps & humidity took a nose dive & its been cooler ever since. We're talking sweatshirts & jackets & no more wearing the cute cut off jean shorts!! Brrrrr....It's time for wooly socks & snuggling under a nice flannel blanket! The leaves are starting to turn color, but the beautiful greens are hangin on. We've had a few days of rain & cold temps. Loved waking up this morning to hear the rain on the roof & the rolling thunder.

My weight loss is at another stand still. I'm thinking it has much to do with the fact that I have been stressed out about all this planning & coming together of events for my wedding that's taking place this coming weekend! What did this girl used to do when she was stressed? I am sure you can all guess right??? EAT! I am not eating like I used to, but I have noticed I have been making not so good decisions about what I am putting into my body for fuel lately. I've re-introduced potatoe chips & dip back in & I am pretty sure I need to rid myself of them, as I am finding out it makes me crave salt terribly!!! That & I've found I am craving milk?? Whats up with that?? I buy 2% milk for the house for cooking, baking & for the kids to drink, but I find myself wanting to drink at least an 8 ounce glass of it thru out the day. I am able to look at myself in the mirror and physically see where I want to lose the weight that my body is having a hard time getting rid of. Of course it happens to be my middle section. I feel good, I feel like I look ok, but I truly would love to lose another 30lbs to get down to my goal weight. If I find I don't like it there then I could deal with putting a few pounds on, but I just want to reach that goal & be able to say "I did it!!"

I met a gentlemen recently, who happens to be my fiance's Uncle. He went thru bariatric surgery (RNY) 3 yrs ago. Had surgery in Grand Rapids, had a few slight complications after (of course he's in his 60's) but lost a total of 130lbs, and looks great. Says he feels great, was the best decision he made. He has put a total of 30lbs back on since he reached his goal weight, but says he would do it all again & wouldn't change a thing.

I am in the midst of trying to finish up writing my wedding vows. Whew. We had decided we were going to do our own vows of sorts, then since the Man & I hadn't discussed it in quite awhile I figured with everything else going on we would just do tradtional vows & told the minister this...but in convo with the Man the other night he informed me he's been working on his the last 2 weeks!! And when was he going to tell me this? So, although I had thought of a few things before I am now trying to get it all out on paper. You would think being a published poet I wouldn't have a problem right?? Ha!!! Let me see, where could I start? I mean there's so much I could say about the man I am about to marry & commit my life to. Whew is right!! But I know it will all come together, as things seemingly are slipping their way into that mode slowly but surely.

I am so thankful for all I have & the many blessings that continue to appear in life.

I will keep you all posted. I will post pictures of the wedding & all that surrounds that special event!!

^j^

Sugiversary

Here is a pic of me in May of last yr the day I met with the Dr's & nurses at the Sparrow Weight Loss Management Center/ Sparrow Bariatric Specialists. I weighed in at 343lbs on that date. My 1 yr sugiversary was August 26, 2010! I can tell you that it was the best decision I made for my life. I have learned so much about ME and about LIFE and about many other things. I have experienced so many positive things in regards to my weight loss. Ie: the weight loss itself, my self worth & importance, the need to stay healthy & what I need to do to maintain that thought pattern & that lifestyle.
I look at this picture & realize, not fully, how far I have come, because I still see myself as this picture portrays. I am conscious of the 'space' around me, I know I am not this large anymore, but 'inside' I'm still that girl. Is that bad? Well, I do not look at myself 'negatively'. I think I am better than I used to be ;). I am told all the time I look great & that I am beautiful. I do feel beautiful most times, but I have that 'big girl' mentality sometimes. It helps me sometimes as I think I am more sensitive to others in knowing what they may be experiencing & going thru. I can sympathize. I think it also helps that in all of this, I never gave up hope & I do not give up hope in achieving where I'd like to be. I am told I look great where I am at, at this point & I am happier than I have ever been.
It's been a scattered day today, and I feel like my thoughts are being carried away from me. Sorry if this seems to be that way. But I promise I will be back soon & much more organized in thought!
Hope you all have a great Labor Day wkend! Blessings!!

Food on my Mind

Why is that? Why is it that food is a constant on my mind? Not in a bad way, of course. Mostly good these days. As in: whats gonna be for supper mom? or what are your plans for lunch? Do we have anything good for snacks? What if Bobbys sugar goes, do we have something for the highs & the lows?

Sometimes I am irritated about how much we actually have pay attention to the food in our daily lives. Funny huh? I mean, I love food just like the next person, but sometimes I feel like it hits every area of my life.

Ie: Now that I am almost a year post surgery I see people who eat unhealthy & live an unhealthy lifestyle & I want to reach out & promote or help educate or just tell them, "it could be better, YOU could be better." BUT I can also see it from another viewpoint "Who the hell are you to tell me or try & tell me what I should do or what I should SEE as a better way of life!" Cause you know what? I was there once. I was. And I remember a time when I felt like the only thing that would ever be there for me was FOOD. I think we shall always have a love/hate relationship. This on the heels of putting together my wedding reception dinner menu & CAKE!!

I will be baking the next few days, making cup cakes & trying to perfect the art of the lovely cupcake towers that seem to be very popluar right now with receptions & parties in general. I've got a couple fab recipes I copied from a friend so I'm going to try them out!! Should be fun!

Anyways, keeping this short & sweet ;).

Until next time ...

Blessings!!!! ^j^

Addicted? Or stressed?

Ok so let me begin this sinful confession by stating, yes I have been naughty and eating Raisinets. I love them. I hate that I love them. I re-introduced them back into my life a few weeks ago & now I find myself eating them once every few days or so. They do make me feel "blah" after I have eaten them & they make me terribly thirsty. But the taste is soo sinful I haven't been able to resist. Hopefully this is a passing phase & all will right itself in my diet world once again.

I do have to say I had hit a plateau where I didn't lose much of any in the last month or so & it seems to have broken the pattern by allowing me to lose 3 lbs in 3 days. WooHoo!! I was beginning to get worried. I have worn skimpier things in the past few weeks due to the humid/hot weather we have experienced. Skimpier than I am used to that is. Not tacky, but not too covered up like I used to before. I went swimming with the kids yesterday at the lake & got out there in my tank top & jean cut offs. WOW. I loved it!! I couldn't believe how much I had missed just the simple task of swimming. Thats what a low self esteem does, thats what weighing 147lbs more does to your ego.

Life has a funny way of throwing you small obstacles, or little reminders that you're not 'in charge' of everything in your life, nor do we truly know anyone really personally. I'm thinking thats where my rasinet addiction is stemming from.

I'm sitting here in my air conditioned office about to freeze my fingers off. It's 80 some degrees outside, think I may have to pop out there for few nminutes just to warm up.

Hope you're all doing well!!!!

We've Set The Date!

Bobby & I have set the date for our wedding!! Saturday September 25, 2010. Need to work on all the fine details, but will keep you posted!! Whew, 76 days from today!! Lots of planning, lots of DIY ideas on a close to no-budget! Angels help me now!!! I'm soooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!

^J^

Today. I am tired. I also feel defeated in some ways in my weight loss. Still holding strong to what my last few weigh ins have been like; by no flucuating leaps of gain or lose. But holding steady. Ugh. I neeeeed to do more physically I guess. Thats what I feel will kick it in full gear. That & drinking more water. I've been terrible about it lately, even with the heat wave that has hit us. I've been so tired too. No energy. :(

But had a great 4th holiday. Got some fishing in. Got some R & R.

^j^

Working overtime today. I guess it's not so bad. I try and out weight the fact that I probably won't be getting offered all these extra hrs when we finally get a full work crew going again. Plus its nice to open that check and find a few extra dollars has made it into my hands. I feel 'good' today. Have this slight sinus thing going of which my fiance' has helped me thru by introducing me to the NeilMed Sinus Rinse. WOW. Yes it does help. I remember Dr Oz recommending it in one of his med conferences.

I feel good in that I have maintained my weight for the past few wks. Haven't lost a lick but am staying steady & I will take that. :) I def know I need to get out and do more physical activity. I want a bike but funds do not allow for that right now. I am going to start meeting up with a good friend of mine whom I know thru my work who also had bariatric surgery a few months ago & we are planning on getting together, if not once but twice on my days off to be walking partners. YAY! I'm so excited! I like it because we can share stories & struggles & swap recipes & talk kids & nutrition & be each others support. SHE , by the way, looks amazing!! I am so proud of her.

I have been on this plateau for about 3 wks now. I know to kick it up I have to switch things up a bit for me. I had introduced a few more carbs back into my life recently & I think I need to cut them back once again & also get on a regular work out schedule. Looking in the mirror I feel great & think I look great BUT we all have our own hang ups, mine would be "Holy Bat Flaps" **laugh** yes I wave Hello & Goodbye at the same time with my upper arms. ;) BUT I can tell you I am in a much better place today about it than I was at my heaviest & I thank GOD for that.

I got to drum circle my last rotation of from work. I sooo needed the great meditation I had & I can't wait til the next go round. I always have some pretty amazing messages come thru or make some sort of connection for others that I get messages for. For instance. I had a deceased mother figure come thru for an ex co-worker of mine. She totally took me by surprise when she popped into my meditation, but she had a specific message for her daughter (ex-coworker) to whom I passed on the message and I love making that 'connection'. I love allowing people to know that once we cross over, its not 'over' for us. I love the sense of ease I see on the peoples faces I pass messages on to. I know what its like because I have been in their shoes many times, and I am always taken aback when I get messages from other gifted people who couldn't be more accurate unless they'd have been my surrogate twin all my life & know whats what in my life. I am also looking forward to 'Connections Circle' this weekend, as I heard that there are more people attending & I am excited to meet more 'like minded' & interesting people.

I have a few projects I am trying to work on, only they have only been in the mentally developed stage for a bit now. Nothing 'truly started' yet. I have worked on my poetry. I have done a few drawings. I WANT to get started on jewelry pieces, but I think thats going to be something in the not-so near future. I am looking forward to the time this Fall when all the kids go back to school, and even though I will be sad at first because my 3 yr old will be starting headstart and going half days, I know I will be able to have that time to accomplish the things I have no or little time for now. ;)

I hope you all have PEACE and a POSITIVE attitude.

Remember that when you're having an off day, (or any time really)you can talk to your Guardian Angels & Spirit Guides. Ask them to surround you, for them to allow everything that happens to happen for the 'greater good', ask them to surround you with the white light of God. For them to help keep you free from any harm, any evil, or any negativity. It does work. All you need to do is ask. :)

In Light & Love

^j^

P.S. I wish you all a wonderful 4th of July holiday!!! (Bobby & I are going fishing. YAY!)

Sleepy, Sizzilin Saturday

So here's a pic of THE MAN. I so love him!! This pic, of course, does neither of us justice but I still love it because I feel the happiness between us eminating from the dreamy looks were both giving the camera.

I'm working in the office today & its been quite challenging to stay awake. Not only because of my toothache med which makes me sleepy, but because I didn't get to sleep til early this morn. Bobby & I watched the movie 2012 late into the morn then he surfed the web on the laptop looking at homes for sale. Yes yes, we are looking to buy & it is a buyers market right now. We meet with a financial advisor this coming week to work out fine details about credit, debt, blah blah & the easiest way to go about getting what we really want. I would love to be able to stay where we are at but neither of us see that happening & besides, it was his & his ex's place before we got together, so maybe its time to create our own space together & instead of being tucked away on a nice city avenue, maybe we can find peace tucked in open spaces surrounded by a green green forest where lightening bugs galore in the lazy summer evenings! :)

The diet is well.......lets say hit a plateau. I have virtually stayed the same weight now for almost a month. Yay and not so yay. I have between 40 & 60 more lbs to lose to reach goal & I just want to see what I can achieve & if I think it's too much weight lost then be able to put a tad back on but also get more toned up in the process. Still not doing anything routine-ish as far as exercise goes. Darn. Where does time go? I know having three living levels in our house has helped out my legs tremendously, via the stair cases and the daily LOADS of laundry that take place when you have 2 adults & 5 children under one roof. Like I said though, I wouldn't change it for the world. I am in HEAVEN. Seriously.

I have cheated a few times. Ugh. I always feel badly when I eat a cookie or take a sliver of cake. Well not only because, yes, the sugar gives me this belly thing that happens for about an hr or so after I eat the treat (gurgle, pop & 'hey whats in here?') but because I know it doesn't aid in the fact I have hit this plateau either. I did grill the best brats for the fam the other night & it was your typical warm summery evening easy-make dinner. Brats, cold baked beans, chips, salad etc. I decided to try a green pepper & onion stuffed brat, not the cheddar brats I also made with them, & it was great at first, but half way thru I started to get the foamies. My nose started to run & I felt VERY nauseous, so I STOPPED. Pushed myself back from the table full of good conversation & smiles (the fam). Bobby looks at me & says 'Babe you ok?' Me: 'No, I think I am going to be sick.' Him: 'Well if you need to leave the table you can you know.' I stood up & did more than leave the table. I needed as far a way from that plate as possible. I went outside off the back porch & around the side of the house where for a minute I was ok, then I gagged. Then my belly hurt so bad that I thought I might die. Then all that passed & I was fine after about a half hr. Ok, so NOW I know I will still cook those lovely brats, BUT I will NOT eat those lovely brats to save my life. Add another food item to the list of 'will not go there'. But you know what? I am totally OK with that. Totally.

Anyways, I hope that you are all doing well & remembering to drink lots of water ;)

In light & love

^j^

Summer I am Ready!

Headache. Ugh. Try a 5 day or more headache. No no no I'm not talking about the kids not minding, too much laundry, where we gonna pay that bill from? & 'Did you remember to put gas in the truck when you came home?' kinda headaches. I'm talking. Mind reeling. Forgetfulness because you can't remember what exactly NOT having a headache feels like anymore. (kinda like the stuffy nose thing where you haven't been able to taste anything in days feeling) BUT I think I have finally taken the first step to recovery from the vise thats been put on either side of my head. I went & was seen in ER during my lunch half hr today. I had a filling fall out of a tooth a week or so ago & of course, have put myself last amongst everything else going on in life & the Dr decided to put a bit of pressure on it & it made me jump. Ah yes, so I have no been blessed with good genes when it comes to my teeth. And it probably didn't help that from the age of about 17 til 39ish I drank way too much soda on a daily basis & did not eat as healthy as I do now. So alas, my ER visit discharge read 'Tooth Pain w/ headache' & I was put on an anti-biotic & a pain killer, since tylenol was not touching the pain anymore. Wonderful. However, I have had a slight reprieve from the pain which has been heaven sent as I only slept about 3-4 hrs last night because the pain was so intense I thought my head might pop off my shoulders. I tried to avoid the ER to resolve this, but my work schedule has been so that I can't make clinic hrs when they are open & I needed some immediate relief since I'd already been self healing at home.

I had a cup of chili for lunch today. It was heaven with big fat chunks of tomatoes. It warmed my insides and gave me that extra heat I needed once I went out for my walk afterwards. It was all of about 60 degrees out, not so bad, but would have loved the sunshine for its warmth today.

For dinner I had a slice of roast beef with gravy over & 5 brussel sprouts (YUM!). My inbetween snacks today were a carb master strawberry yogurt from Kroger. A banana. And my breakfast was Honey bunches of Oats with Almonds with low fat milk. Not bad. The day is not over & if I choose another snack I'm sure it will be a veggie with a bit of peanut butter for taste.

I lost 7 lbs. Finally off the plateau, but I weighed myself mid morning this morn and it read 2 lbs back on. Maybe it was the difference in weight of what I wore from the other day as well, who knows. Either way I fee like I look great & I know I am still on the right path. ;)

On a more 'blonde' note: I went to leave for work yesterday morn & the trucks steering decided to lock up on me. I did what I was taught by turning the wheel, only it become seriously locked & I was getting frustrated. Walked back in the house to where my significant other was sitting & asked "Babe is there some magic spell I need to do or something to unlock the steering wheel in your truck?" He came out & we both wen thru another 15 minutes of "You've got to be kidding me?" "Gonna string the kids up by their toes..What the h E double hockey sticks? and so forth. I call my adopted dad to see if he can think of anything that we may not have.... He says "Are you sure you have the right key?" WHAT? Of course I (look down & ummmmmm) I looked at Bobby and said "Babe these are the keys for the red truck, not this one." Oh my HEAVENS!!! I wanted to crawl under the truck & hide & he walks away with a huge smile and relief written all over his face & as he's handing me the right keys to get me where we need to go. Grrrr....life's little blonde moments.

Anywho, my life is ticking I must bid farewell. Have an awesome night minus blonde moments!!

^j^

The Ring

Here's a pic of the ring. Of course it's beautiful here BUT much more beautiful in person. ;)

It is black hills gold with a gold & copper leaf design inset on either side of the diamond. Sooo pretty. And I don't know what it is but I have always had an affinity to trees & leaves, & Bobby did not know this at the time he bought it but it's totally perfect!!!

I'm bored today. Bored; you say? Yes. BORED. Sitting here at work, scheduling done- check. Filing done- check. Waiting for phone calls back- check. Bored. CHECK. I brought a few things to read. One I am loving: "Looking and Laughing at Life" by local author Maureen Burns, who is also a motivational speaker. She is so down to earth and hilarious to read! I have also been browsing the "Etsy" website & having fun looking at all the creativity the flourishes from so many people. It helps to inspire me in so many ways.

I ate a turkey/cheese salad for lunch today. It was yummy! Small chunks of turkey, mozarella cheese grated, fresh peas, spinach, leafy greens & lettuce, 3 small cherry tomatoes a little bit of Mrs Dash, & a very little bit of low fat ranch dressing. Oh!! & a sprinkle of sunflower seeds! Yum!

I had a slimfast protein bar for breakfast, then about an hr after I had that I ate a mandarin orange. I so love them! Haven't had enough water to drink today, trying to kick that into gear. But I could so go for a nap right now. Guess I better get up & go for a quick walk to get some blood flowing & hopefully shake off this sleepy slumber that wants to prevade my afternoon. Anyone got an extra pillow? *Laugh*

In light & love

^J^

Finding the balance

Still working on find that balance in the different foods, but I feel much more confident & educated than I ever have. I am so conscious of what I put in my body now & I do realize when I eat that half of an english muffin with peanut butter in the morning I get craving more carbs, but I am definately in a much better frame of mine & place about being able to control those urges.
I have noticed I can feel my hip bones. :) I have also been able to say that yes I do have butt bones *laugh* and sometimes they get pretty uncomfortable. I used to be able to say I was getting "tired butt syndrome" if I had to sit for a length of time, but I have to say that butt bones make it worse.
On another WONDERFULLY EXCITING note; Bobby gave me a promise ring this past Saturday. He & the kids surprised me with a beautiful hanging planter full of flowers for Mothers Day, then he sat down in front of me on the foot stool in the livingroom & said some very beautiful things & took out the box & slipped the ring on my finger. It was perfect. I wanted to cry in happiness but I was sooooo happy & in shock that I couldn't. I definately was not expecting him to say or do what he did & that just makes it all the more special.
Busy day today running errands and finishing up things I want to get done before I start my 7 day rotation tomorrow at the hospital. Taking Bobby his lunch, doing some running, & later tonight is drum circle meditation. I feel so blessed.
Hope this finds you all well & happy in your corners of this world!!
^j^

Quiet Day

Ok so maybe not so quiet with 5 kids in the house, but it did start out that way this morning. Kids slept in on this rainy Saturday morning & I tiptod downstairs at 8am to make Bobby's coffee before he got up for work. I enjoyed the bit of peace for all of 15 min before the first foot falls came trudging down the steps & I heard the words, "Mom can you get me a bowl of cereal?"
He pulled out the box of sugar..aka.."Lucky Charms". Ahh the joy, I wonder how long it takes for it to metabolize and for the house to start jumping?
From there I headed to the basement to the laundry area, HOLY HEAPS!! What 2 days of errands and neglecting the laundry can do!! Plus with Mother Nature's ever weeping ways (rain) the drain is not working properly, so that means a slow go of wash. Ugh. Where's the plumber when you need him?
I wanted to be able to do something fun with the kids this weekend like go out & take a walk in the woods and possibly look for moral mushrooms & get some fresh air & exercise. But wet forest and feet doesn't sound all the appealing. Riding bike around town sounds nice, but I don't yet own one & the kids' bikes, well 2 don't have any & the others need air in the tires. See where this is going? Right. Nowhere~ FAST. Would love to go to Abrams Planetarium in E Lansing, but need to check the schedule, sheesh, I don't even know if they have a website, better go check.
Trying to figure out what'll be on the menu for eats today. Bought stuff for hard & soft tacos, maybe the kids will enjoy that. Something easy & fun. I had a half of an english muffin with low fat peanut butter for breakfast & a 1/3 cup of milk, along with my Optifast multi vitamin. Good way to start the day.
Hope you all have a great weekend!!

Spinach Salad & The Radio Flyer

Had my actual 6 month post bari follow up appt at the weight management center. All went well & it was nice to actually see the figures on paper & make the realization that the fat that I have lost equals 25 five pound bags of sugar. Try pushing that around in the grocery cart for a few spins. Interesting concept huh? I can remember a time when I would walk & I could feel the fat on the top of my back jiggle & thinking to myself "I really need to do something about this". Now I don't have that. I feel the most fit I have ever felt. I still have to take that second glance in the mirror sometimes or in the store window I walk by because I can't believe I am seeing myself. It's funny really. We have 1 mirror at home thats full body & I guess I see myself kind of as my 'old self'. Why? I couldn't tell you. BUT I was antiquing & have found the perfect secod hand/ antique shop here in Alma and I love to visit there every other week. WHY? Well not only because I like second hands & antiques but they have the greatest little spot tucked away in the back of the store. Lining both walls is vintage clothing, purses, bags & shoes BUT the whole wall to the back is a mirror. The first time I walked into that niche I loved it & loved myself. I thought "Wow, I love this mirror, it's one of those fun house mirror thats makes you look smaller and curvier." WELL as I stood there I realized that it in fact was a true mirror & not anything different than what it was & that I was seeing my true self. So when I don't see myself the way I do at home & I get the chance to, I stroll in and browse a bit then go back & see myself & the success I have achieved thus far. I love that moment. That moment of being surrounded by the old, the used, the re-furbished & it makes me feel empowered. Gives me that hope, that breath, that I know I have done this. This IS ME. And I am loving ME.

We have spent more time out in Mother Nature. Kids & I have been walking and enjoying the transition of Spring. The radio flyer has gotten lots of miles on it. It's the old style, metal & old style wheels. Not like the new plastic & big plastic wheels radio flyer. Brings me back to my childhood. We used our radio flyer til it literally rusted out. There came a time when I didn't remember that it was actually red since the brown rust had given it so much character. Back in the day my mom had these old brass like fold out tray tables that had made it outside & we used to take one and fold it out inside the radio flyer & put one of moms old sheer green curtains over it to make it into an old coach wagon. One of us would pull the other pretending of course that we were the best of the best in a horse breed. We used to play "Little House on the Prairie".

Bobby, I & the kids went out for dinner tonite. Ponderosa. Had to bump 2 tables together so we all fit. I love it. I love the kids & I love my life. Had a piece of salisbury steak with gravy, a tablespoonful of mashes potatoes. Steamed green pepper & onions & I splurged & had a piece of banana bread. Before that I ate a small portion of spinach salad with garbonzo beans, pecans, shredded cheese & a little olive oil & manadarin orange slices. I was pretty stuffed feeling when I finished. I didn't eat well today, meaning I didn't plan anything becuase usually I eat several small things thru out the day, but the running I had to do & the Dr appt.

I'm tired tonite. The couch is calling my name. Well actually I am already here typing from the laptop. But it's time for quiet time, that 'end of the day' slow relaxation & mindless entertainment from "Three and a Half Men" ;)

Here's to health and wealth in many more ways then most conventional.

WE are blessed.

138 and counting

Thus far I have successfully lost a total of 138lbs. Yay!! I haven't gotten tired of people saying how great I look or some of the responses I still get from people who have not seen me in awhile!

I am doing well. Adding a bit here & there to my diet, but in moderation & on a more 'health conscious' level then ever before. My labs all look good except that my TSH levels are still off. Which makes me want that afternoon nap. But I think I haven't been sleeping well at night either. Am I doing enough during the day to warrant good sleep in the night? FOR SURE!! And sometimes I stay up late with my bf Bobby til the wee hrs of the morning watching tv. (I'm sure the couch has my name on it after 9p or 10p at night) :) Inevitabley though, if I sit for any length of time, what happens?? I fall alseep, plain & simple. I mean thats jus a given for a mother of now 5 (yes I said 5) kids in the house full time ages from 15 to 3, and working full time outside the home & keeping a huge leash on everything else that goes with blissful domestication!! And of course being a best friend & lover to the greatest bf ever!!

I have incorporated walking more into my schedule. This does happen everyday when I am on my 7 day rotation at the hospital. but it doesn't always take precedence in my home life. Does chasing after my 2 youngest count I wonder?? *Laugh* I have realized that I do need to start excercising to keep up my muscle mass & strength. I would love to join a gym & have a regular membership, but its next to impossible at the moment due to finances and lack of time for myself. Ahh, the joys of motherhood. But I wouldn't trade my brood for the world!! Well maybe a 3 month vacay to Scotland with my bf --Ha!! JUST JOKING!! About the trading part that is.

I have an appt coming up to see the weight management behaviorist & also the dietician, which I am looking so forward to! I need to have that re-connect so I can better organize my dietary needs. Not that I feel I have lost track, its not that, but I haven't felt as focused to seek out the protein I know I need on a daily basis.

I know that I am very thankful for all the blessings that have come into my life and for all the wonderful support I continue to recieve. My cup of GRATITUDE overflows at times. When we can get 'ourselves' out of the way I think we can lead & live a happier, more simplified, less stressful life. When you can wake up in the morning, running late, nothing seems to be going the way it should and you can sit on the ride to work, either while driving or being driven & look out the window & appreciate that beautiful sunrise, or even the darker gray tones on a rain cloud, well....I think there's something to be said about that. If we can take a look through more open and inquisitive eyes, its there for us to see and achieve. You just have to believe.

I hope this finds you all well & blessed!!

In Light & Love

A Taste of 'Before' & A Dash of 'After'

So I haven't shared any photos before this time but here's a taste of my journey. I will post more soon. I promise!!

Life is WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Transformations

Haven't been here in awhile. Life gets busy, or rather you get busy living ;) Hope all is well with all of you and that your making things matter in your lives. Remember that a lot of times it's the small things that matter. The small steps make large bounds.

Weight loss is going well for me. I am pleasantly pleased with the successes I have & am experiencing. I ate too much at supper tonight. I am a bit uncomfortable and hope that it passes. I ate a few things that were new too me, or rather my new pouch. Things I hadn't eaten yet, so maybe thats part of the 'full' feeling I have.

I am excited that Spring & Summer are just around the corner. I an anxious to get out & walk & do many more things than winter will allow. I am looking into gym memberships & trying to figure out blocks of time that will enable me to work out. Living with Bobby & having an awesome sand colored lab named Tanner, I know at times when no one wants to walk with me that Tanner will be my walking partner. :) I just hope he will listen too me as well as he does Bobby.

My hair has finally stopped falling out so much. For that I am thankful. I thought for awhile I might go bald!! Everyday I would worry because I was cleaning out way more hair from the comb than normal. Now I have 'fuzzies'. Fuzzies you say? New hair growth thats at all growth stages and looks like baby duck fuzzies. I'm serious. Its pointless to try and blend it in too because inevitably they spring back up the way they want too.

I had to have a mammogram recently. Went to my yearly check up at my ob gyns office & she ordered a mam. because I have fibrostics cysts, but now that I have lost 125lbs they are more noticable. I got a clean bill of health from the breast ultrasound & mammogram. All is well. :)

In light & love~

Happy Beyond Measure

Hello all!! I hope you are all doing well and forging thru the winter doldrums that seem to try and keep our days slow paced and unimaginative. Note: I said 'try'. Some are able to overcome, some of the time, some struggle and others are successful. Thats just life.

I have been well. *Laugh* I guess that would almost be an understatement. My weight loss has been doing well. I am down 125lbs as of yesterday. I had hit a plateau that lasted 2 wks. I did not panic, although I found it odd, as I hadn't switched anything up, but alas, when I went to my Dr appt Monday, I was pleasantly surprised. I am fitting into jeans I could wear when I was a freshmen in highschool. WOW. I know right?? Of course they are not the same jeans, just todays trendy pair in sizes I could fit back then ;) . I have been able to tolerate more foods than before. I eat salads that are high in protein & always take my multi-vitamin. I still do not deviate much from drinking H2O. When I work I do tend to drink decaf, fat free, sugar free lattes, & I do drink a Crystal Light once in a blue moon. I am able to tolerate skim & 2% milk, although I don't drink either much. My boyfriend, Bobby, is a great cook and for that I am greatful, because I love to cook as well, but it is nice to be cooked for too ;). Our house combined is quite interesting. He is an insulin dependant diabetic, so I am trying to educate myself on that in its totality because honestly it scares me. Not severely, but enough that I want to understand it so that I may be of help in any way I possibly can for him. We have lots of sugar free things in our cupboards, and we also have a few extra things around that help him when he plummets.

It's been interesting here lately. We have all been sick, in different ways. Coughs, sinus stuff, ear aches, sore throats. We are all on antibiotics, so hopefully we'll all be better soon.

Valentines was a nice day. :) Bobby took my daughter & I out to LoneStar Steakhouse for dinner & then afterwards unexpectedly he surprised me with a beautiful silver heart locket necklace. I had gotten him a single red rose, a cute music card that plays Etta James song "At Last", and his favs cologne. And of course the total comfort and love that both of us share together was ever present. I'm happy and it makes everything around me so much better. For that I am tremendously greatful. I can't believe how far I have come since mid-year last year until now and it just continues on a grand roll.

For those of you who are wondering. Yes, Bobby & I moved in together. I feel like my cup runneth over. I have the 'man', 'his' kids, 'my' kids, the dog, the house. Sometimes I think I am in a dream. I wouldn't change a thing. When you make it a point to be honest in everything and the other person is on that same page you just 'know'. And its been so exciting.

When your hearts filled with love sometimes it overflows. Share it in everything you do, or touch.

In light & love~

Love is Amazing...

Sorry I have not been here in awhile. Life has a way of getting busy, and time has a way of getting a way from me at times.
The weight loss is going wonderfully!! I am now down 117lbs. I can fit into size 15/16 jeans, which look totally FAB by the way!!! I'm so excited about EVERYTHING!!! I am due to have labs drawn soon to see where all of that is at. I broke down & bought a 'body suit' for underneath my clothing to help keep me warm. I seem to have a hard time keeping warm these days *laugh*, unless I am snuggled up with the newest edition to my life. Which brings me to another wonderful development in my world! FAB BOYFRIEND!
He loves me for me & we are on cloud nine together. The openess & honesty in our relationship has carried us far & some may say quickly to our commitment to eachother in the relationship. I know I am going to give this 100% because I can 'feel' that I am right where I need & want to be & its the best damn feeling I've had in forever!!! Sometimes I feel with all the successes in my life that its all jus a dream & at any moment I will wake up, but when I feel his arms around me I know this is my reality & I feel truly blessed!
I wanted to give you all a quick update. I will have more time to post tomorrow, so alas, i bid farewell, until we meet again!
PEACE & LOVE
^j^

Death, Re-birth & the Promise of Tomorrow

My maternal grandmother died yesterday. She was 95 due to turn 96 in April. Her health had been failing her and so had her mind, but I know she lived a wonderful God filled life & now the Angels have taken her home. She wasn't a 'close' grandma, she had always had her own agendas & lived far away. I do have fond memories of her making us peanut butter & banana sandwiches as kids, telling us during the summer months to steer clear of dragonflies or else they would sew our eyes shut with their tails. She had a white fluffy dog for a long time named 'Tuffy' & she loved her dearly. She had this smile & this laugh I don't think I could ever forget, kind of like a melody with a high dramatic end to it. Her hands were soft as silk & she attended church & also taught bible study classes for years. She lived modestly & spoke softly. What a beautiful woman. You will be missed grandma.
This new year has actually besides the loss of my grandmother been uplifting and more promising and peaceful than I could have imagined. I think mostly in part to my changed way of looking at life in its totality and too my being surrounded by some pretty amazing people at all levels. I am still learning my 'gifts', but things seem to come a bit easier to me now. I am also very in tune with my body and the changes it has gone thru and the changes it continues to go thru. I am conscious of what I put in my body, my mouth. I am empowered by my success and know that I can go the distance. That this is only one small part of who I am and theres so much more to be thankful for.
I am down 100lbs as of today. My new fav jeans that I got at Christmas time are a tad bit big on me. Is it ok to say that I like my big butt? And that I do not wish to lose my boobs? LAUGH. I am serious though.
There are a few other developments that I wish to remain anonymous at this time but I will update you on those at a later time. Sometimes when you wish & pray and have tucked those things away and have the patience for them to develop, well; they I believe are answered. All we have to do is keep the Faith.
Remember that a smile & even a warm embrace can change a dismal day into one filled with hope.
In light & love